Blog Posts

A Different Approach to Dating

All my friends would tell you that I’m terrible at dating. What can I say I’m a hopeless romantic. I typically date one person at a time, and it hasn’t been working out too well for me. I get emotionally invested too early, and by the 2-3 month time frame things fizzle out. I believe this is due to not developing a real connection and the fact that around that time your representative leaves. Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning, and after time they start to become more comfortable. That is when the real them comes to the surface. I find myself in trouble around this time because I didn’t allow for the relationship to flourish naturally. I rush into things due to infatuation which doesn’t last as it’s not substantial. Of course, things don’t continue if you haven’t taken the time to get to know someone. Plus you have to spend more than 1-2 days a week to understand someone. Consuming small amounts of time with someone not only delays the emotional connection needed for a relationship but you don’t know the person either. If you don’t know who you are dealing with then how can you say you want to be with this person. Getting butterflies for someone is great but slow down a bit to determine true compatibility.

My friends have told me time and time again that I need to date multiple people. For some reason, some people think this means having relations with everyone that you’re dating. That is not what this means at all. Honestly, this is a way if you to date many different personalities at once and see which one is the best fit for you. Another added benefit is that it helps to keep your emotions in check. Especially if you are someone like me, this can aid you in your dating experience. I was curious to see what others had to say about this topic, so I conducted mini online research. Many guys and girls were entirely against dating multiple people. Some of the responses that I read stated that they don’t want to be an option and other people said you wouldn’t be emotionally invested in the relationship progressing. One response I thought was a big shocker was when someone is dating multiple people they aren’t viewed as looking for a serious relationship.

All of these reasons were a surprise to me, but particularly the last one gave me pause. If you are in the beginning stages of dating someone you have no idea of where things will land, of course, this person will date other people as the whole purpose is to look for their future husband or wife. How can you demand exclusivity without having that conversation first? Truthfully, when you meet the right person, you will naturally start to cut off the other people as they aren’t what you want. In dating it’s important to have an honest and open dialogue. Don’t put others down just because you don’t agree with their dating methods. Ask the right questions and if it doesn’t jive with you then find someone else on the same wavelength as you.

Whatever dating method you decide to partake in; be honest with the people you’re pursuing. It’s essential that they know and understand why you’re taking this approach. This conversation can also clear up any misunderstandings that someone may have. Due to the hookup culture that we are in is the reason why dating multiple people gets a bad rap. Explaining why it’s vital for you can make a difference in people understanding you better. For example, I went on a first date with this one guy, and it went very well. I had a few horrible first dates before this, so it was refreshing. When I texted later on that evening to say I made it home okay that’s when things went left. He proceeded to tell me that I’m everything he’s looking for and he wants to make me his woman ASAP. Typically I would be all over this and be ready to be in another relationship that ends in a few months. Because I am dating other people, I didn’t allow my emotions to get involved just yet. I’ve only known this guy for three weeks, and we don’t interact every day. I only see him once a week due to scheduling conflicts. If we had been spending more time and speaking more regularly than maybe I would entertain a relationship with him.

However, since that is not the case, I told him to pull back a bit and let things naturally play out. He gave the typical responses of you are scared and so am I. I’m not like other guys so don’t compare me to them. Seeing is believing and since that hasn’t occurred yet this is all talk as far as I’m concerned. There are things that I saw about him that I didn’t like and I ultimately decided that it wasn’t going to work. If I didn’t date multiple people, I would’ve missed all the red flags. Some may not agree with my approach, but so far it’s working out for me. I respect the one on one method, but I think it’s better suited once you decide to be exclusive. Otherwise, you are putting all your eggs in one basket for a person you haven’t determined is right for you yet.

What are your thoughts on the approach of dating multiple people? Do you agree or disagree? What are some of the methods that you use to deter yourself from getting invested too soon?

Happy dating!!!!!

Solo Traveling Tips

People ask me often why do I travel solo? It would be more fun if I went with other people. I don’t disagree; however, in the past, I missed out on places waiting for other people to be available. It’s a difficult thing to say go at it alone. It can be a nerve-racking and overwhelming experience. The biggest thing I learned is that you come away with much-needed confidence about yourself. You have to be comfortable with yourself to travel solo. You have to start small and work your way up. Before you decide to plan that huge trip, read the steps below to help you become a master at solo traveling.

Plan Solo Dates

Start planning dates where you spend time with yourself. For example, movies, spa or even dinner. The whole point of this is to get familiar with yourself. It may seem strange at first, but once you do it a few times, it becomes second nature. Once you learn how to deal with your own company, it makes it easier to solo travel. Also, one of the benefits of solo dates is that you get to do what you want when you want. Experiencing this type of freedom is what you can look forward to when you travel solo.

Take Weekend Trips

I would recommend staying somewhere that you previously been before. Remember the point here is to build up your confidence with traveling. Going somewhere familiar takes out the guesswork of finding activities and helps you to relax more. The more fun you are having, the more likely you will continue to travel. Write down all the things you want to do but weren’t able to do previously. Some activities can be due to a lack of enthusiasm from others or a general lack of interest. Now is the time to experience those adventures during your single weekend.

Plan Your Itinerary

Nothing screams lonely like having nothing on your agenda. The best way to fight those feelings is to have your days planned out. Of course, leave your plans open for change as something more exciting can arise. However, having a day planned makes you forget that you are solo. You’ll be having so much fun even to notice that you are indeed by yourself. That is how you fight the solo blues. My recent birthday trip was solo, and people said OMG you went to Las Vegas alone. That’s the whole point of traveling! Enjoy your time on vacation and stop worrying about why you are alone. Live in the moment as you don’t get those moments back.

Let Friends & Family know your Whereabouts

When traveling solo, it is especially important to travel smart. You must let someone back home know where you are going and your activities for each day. God forbid if something was to happen people will know where to tell the authorities where to look. Especially if you ’re going out at night. Give an estimated time of when you will return. Also, be sure to let someone know you made it back to your residence (travel accommodations) safely. Even if they are sleep due to the time difference or late hours once they wake up, they’ll know you’re okay. Be careful with posting your every move online. I understand this is easier to update friends and family. However, a predator can use this information as a way to stalk you. Please take proper precautions as you want to return safely back home from your trip.

Don’t do what you wouldn’t do at home

Don’t get into a stranger’s car unless it’s Uber or Lyft. Stay in well-lit areas with a large crowd of people around. Don’t get too comfortable that you step far outside your comfort zone that you become easy prey. Have the same street smarts that you have at home while on vacation. If something feels wrong, it probably is a bad idea. If you get this feeling DON’T DO IT! Don’t open yourself up to be an easy target. People are looking for unexpected tourist to rob or take advantage of their kindness. Don’t walk around with a large purse and keep your phone close to you at all times. It’s a good idea to set some folks including 911 on speed dial just in case of emergencies. Stay away from tight spaces like a club for example. Avoid places like a club because you can’t fully see your surroundings. You need to view all exits if necessary. Of course, keep drinks close to you at all times. Never sit your back to the door. Otherwise, it makes it easier for people to sneak up on you without your knowledge.

Give the Illusion of Confidence

Even if you aren’t confident then fake it until you make it. Never let anyone know you are alone, where you are staying or reveal too much about yourself. I’m not saying you can’t interact with others, but there is a difference between friendly and overly revealing. It can backfire and cause you to put down your guard rather quickly. Remember you’re solo so don’t put yourself in harm’s way unnecessarily. If you come off as shy or uncomfortable, you open yourself up to be easy prey. Not everyone has bad intentions, but the wrong person can see this and use it against you. Keep in mind Google gives you the right directions to the bus and train now. There’s no need to be nervous about solo travel! The more you do it, the easier it will become. There is too much of the world out there to explore to wait around for other people. If they aren’t available to travel, then you become a world traveler. You never want to look back and wish you started what you keep putting off today.

What was your experience traveling solo for the first time? What other tips would you recommend for first-time solo travelers?

My Thoughts on Jussie Smollett

I was wrestling back and forth about writing about this Jussie Smollett fiasco. I’m not sure if he did this to bring attention to a cause or if he’s a pathological liar. This story has lasting damaging effects that we haven’t even begin to scratch the surface. Whatever he believed he was doing set the movement back. Some may disagree, but I feel he made it harder for victims of assault in the future. Everyone will start to side eye victims going forward. Jussie will forever be someone who elaborately lies. The new slogan will be, please don’t  “Jussie Smollett” us with your story. It’s very frustrating hearing stories like this because you want to believe the victims. At the same time, you have to be skeptical of the story. Some folks lie to provoke a particular agenda further. Unfortunately, there are hate crimes and assault cases happening every day. There’s no need to make up a story. Lying about an attack that didn’t occur impacts current, future and cold cases. Time and resources are moving away from solving actual crimes to a fabricated crime. Detectives may even expect for the victim to provide the burden of proof before they investigate an alleged attack. Thanks to Jussie solving these types of cases just became more difficult.

I can’t believe that Jussie would go to these great lengths to prove a point. You’re upset that the threatening letter you received didn’t garner the attention you felt it deserved. That doesn’t mean you orchestrate an attack to get more attention. You should’ve gone to law enforcement to report the incident. You could’ve used this an opportunity to have a teachable moment. You completely missed the mark on this one. With your notoriety and celebrity status, you could’ve drawn more attention to a serious topic that is plaguing many people. You could’ve put together a PSA with other victims of assault to bring more awareness to a significant issue that is impacting people of color and the LGBTQ communities. However, to file a false police report is beyond ridiculous. Now you have been charged with filing a false police report and disorderly conduct which is a class four felony. If convicted this carries a one to a three-year jail sentence. Your credibility is nonexistent, and your career is definitely in jeopardy. Who knows maybe you’ll pull a Winona Ryder and make a comeback. It took her a long time to come back after her shoplifting scandal. Honestly, I still feel like her career hasn’t been the same since then, but she was able to turn things around.

Jussie you need to hire someone who specializes in crisis management because you need all the help in the world to deal with the drama you caused. Let this be a cautionary tale to everyone out there. When you start one lie, then you have to tell several more to keep it going. You eventually go down a rabbit hole, and it becomes harder to get yourself out of it. Remember if you tell the truth you don’t need to remember what was said or happened. When something happens to you, and you don’t get the attention you want don’t go to this extreme. Seek help from friends, family, therapist, pastor or a trusted individual. Going to extraordinary lengths of an elaborate falsehood isn’t the way to go. You will be causing more unforeseen damage than you realize.

Let me know your thoughts on the Jussie Smollett case. Did you believe or disbelieve the story from the beginning? Do you think this story has negatively impacted victims of assault?

Toxic Friends, Maybe It’s You

Before the start of the New Year, I see the same old rhetoric. I’m getting rid of the poisonous people in my life before the New Year. I don’t want to go into the New Year with the previous year’s drama. The thing I find most interesting is the need to do this every year. Do you have that many toxic people in your life? Is it necessary to remove these people regularly? This predicament got me to thinking about a few things. Are these people toxic or is the poisonous person you? Think about it for a few minutes. How many times did people leave your life and the first response is that person was toxic anyway. After a while, you need to start looking at the person in the mirror. Maybe you are having so many issues because you are the toxic person you are trying to remove. Self-reflection is a hard thing to do, and sometimes it’s difficult to admit destructive behavior within ourselves. Acknowledging that you might be toxic is scary at first. However, the reward for fixing yourself is very fulfilling.

It can be hard to admit, but each of us has toxic behavior. Even I have to correct the harmful habits that I have. There is nothing wrong with accepting you have an issue. The problem is never altering your behavior. I understand that looking inside yourself could be a mortifying experience, but you can’t think that everyone around you is the toxic one. If you find that you are always losing friends and people are habitually walking out your life then maybe you are the problem. You are the company that you keep. If you have to get rid of people often, it’s time to reevaluate your discernment for picking friends. You have chosen these folks to be in your life. Why would you select toxic people in the first place? Once you see that someone is displaying bad behavior, it is up to you to say something. Waiting until the New Year to remove someone from your life is problematic. It took the New Year for you to notice this behavior. Why wasn’t this person gone months ago? We are responsible for the folks we allow to stay in our lives. At some point we have to say to ourselves I wanted this to happen.

Again, think about it for a few more minutes. You like something about this person to keep them around. They are only as toxic to your life as you allow them to be. Once the toxicity has lasted long, you have to look inward as secretly you like the chaos. That’s the only explanation for all the drama to fester for so long. Once the spectacle consumes you for an extended period, you become the very thing you dislike. When this occurs, you now become a toxic friend who then causes people to run away from you. It is so important to protect your peace from outsiders. Once that is disturbed no matter how much you want that person around you must remove them out your life. Your mental state isn’t worth the headache. Before concluding I need to get rid of toxic friends determine if you have become toxic.  If so, work on that so you can be a better person for yourself and others. The energy you are getting from other people could be what you are giving out inadvertently.

What is your experience with toxic friends? And how did you conclude to remove them from your life? Did you realize that you were becoming toxic? Is so, how did you fix it?

Are You Too Empathetic?

Are you the type of person who can pick up the emotions and energy of other people? For example, if someone cries you immediately feel that pain and cry as well. If you see something disturbing on television, does it tend to stay with you for the rest of the day? If you answered yes to these questions, then you are very in tune with your emotions. Some may even argue that you are too emotionally ingrained in your feelings. Having these feelings can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. The blessing is that you are very empathetic to others which can be very helpful in romantic relationships. The downside is this makes you very susceptible to energy vampires. They tend to prey upon your empathetic nature and guilt you into things you may not necessarily be comfortable doing. You become so engulfed with that person that you forget who you are and lose yourself in the process. Here is when you have to be careful with your emotions and who you let in your life. It’s effortless to get caught up with other people as you feel you are helping them. The issue becomes when they are taking, but won’t be there for you when you need it. When this happens, it leaves you high and dry with nothing to show for it. You felt empty and drained of all your resources.

I have this issue myself, so I have a tough time not offering to help. I guess I feel like I have to or I should since the person is confiding in me. However, just because someone is venting to you doesn’t mean you have to take that on. Especially if that person is never pouring back into you, you must protect your mental peace and learn to say no to people. You can have empathy, but that doesn’t mean owning what that person is dealing with currently. There’s nothing wrong with saying this is too much for me to handle, so I need to back away. I am giving that other person time and space to work through their issues. I know people say that if you back away you are selfish and never cared about that person. I disagree with that statement. If your problems are escalating to a point where it is impossible to have a healthy happy relationship, it’s time to leave. Relationships involve two people growing together and moving towards becoming one with each other. If one person isn’t in a position to do this then how is the relationship supposed to last? You can only take so much and if that person isn’t trying to fix it then what other choice do you have? The same can be said for friendships and family members as well.

You can love people from afar, but that doesn’t mean let that drama enter your life and impact your wellbeing. For those of you who don’t have this issue, I am jealous of you. You can separate yourself from people and the problems that are surrounding them. However, to those who tend to take on the emotions and difficulties of others, we must be careful. We must be very picky about who we let into our personal and mental space. People can pick up on how we are and then it can be used to their advantage. Look out for the signs that this person isn’t as generous and using you to feel better about themselves. Listen to your gut and remove yourself from any situation that is detrimental to your health. We aren’t going any more days, months, nor years with toxic behavior. We will no longer allow this to dampen our spirits. We are moving forward in life with our peace and anything that disturbs that is way too expensive.

Do you feel that you are too empathetic? If so, what have you done to correct this? If not, what do you think makes people more empathetic than others?

Top 10 Goals for 2019

I think it’s important to not only discuss your goals but have a plan to execute them as well. A goal without a plan is a wish as the saying states. To keep me honest I felt that I would utilize this post to detail my top goals for 2019. I thought that I would not only list out my goals but how I plan to execute them as well. I will keep you posted on my progress throughout the year. Please call me out as well if I don’t mention any of my goals after this post. I need to be accountable if I’m going to accomplish them. Also, knowing that other people are reading this is giving me even more motivation. We all need that extra push and seeing this in plain black and white is a great motivator.

My goals for the year are:

1. Travel More

Last year I stated that I would travel once a quarter. I achieved just that, and I would like to continue that into 2019. I accomplished this goal by having a travel fund and adding it into my budget to save money for my travel activities. I will continue to plan out all my travel activities to ensure that I have adequate funds to participate.

2. Purchase Real Estate

I know at first this sounds like I mean home, townhouse, or condo. That would be nice, but that’s not what I’m going to have. I want to open my own business. Being an entrepreneur is something that I have discussed for the longest, and this will finally be my year to accomplish this goal. I want to purchase a building to start my financial service business. I want to teach others in my community how to manage their money, learn more about stocks/bonds, retirement and credit solutions. I want others to be more financially independent as a way to generate wealth. The way to break the curse of poverty is by creating wealth through real estate. I saw a video by a CPA that stated that the way to generate wealth is via the tax code. That is how many people pay less in taxes and create equity. To achieve this, you would need to be knowledgeable and having your credit/savings in order. In the next few months, I am going to reach out to a realtor to help with finding the right place for my business.

3. Publish my Poetry Book

I have been working on this book for as long as I could remember. I’m sure my friends are tired of me talking about this book and are ready to read it already. I will be granting your wishes as 2019 is the year for this book to see the light of day. I will be self-publishing the book which I am very nervous about since I have no idea what to expect. I have to make sure every detail down to the cover looks perfect. I can’t wait for everyone to see the finished product as I’m so proud to show it off. Look out for my book later this year at an Amazon near you.

4. Start a New Job

I have been at my current employer for nine years well ten this year, and it’s time for a change. One thing that worries me is getting stagnant staying at one place too long. At this point, I feel like I have plateaued in my current team. I still have things that I can contribute however I’m not learning nor growing anymore. I have overstayed my welcome, and it’s time to move on to greener (hopefully) pastures. I have been comfortable for so long, and that is the reason why I stayed. Therefore, it’s time to step outside of my comfy zone and look forward to looking for a new role. I will start applying for a job internally and post my resume on LinkedIn to get eyes to my talents.

5. Fall in Love (Fingers crossed)

My love life is on my list every year and every year I fail miserably. This time I am saying no more, and I am going to make a considerable effort to make sure it happens. One of the issues that I have is not dating with a purpose. I’ll state what I want, but I don’t follow through with it. For example, I want someone who is ready and will make time for a relationship. Then the guy will give a sob story, and I’ll forgive them for nonsense. I don’t listen to my gut when I notice red flags but brush it off as if I’m overreacting. I am not and if that guy can’t make time then move on. This year I will be more intentional about what I want, and whoever can’t fall in line then exit stage left.

6. Start a YouTube Channel

I have a channel that I started years ago, but I stopped uploading to it. I tried to recreate the magic again with a past boyfriend, but that went left very quickly. However, I’m going to revamp the channel that I started years ago. My new angle is around reviewing the things that I like such as Halloween, discussing the topics from this blog, rants, or other random things that are of interest. This channel will be an extension of my blog and vice versa. I believe this will be a great way to showcase my personality in the visual sense to the world. I’m going to implement a schedule within the next few months detailing the days that I will be posting videos.

7. Grow My Blog

I want this blog to grow to its fullest potential. For that to occur, I need to be more consistent with uploading content. I started to achieve this goal by planning out my blog topics for each month beforehand. I should have applied this method sooner as it is beneficial. I am just writing away as I know what I will be discussing. I need to draw more attention to my blog via social media as having an online presence is paramount for driving more traffic. I also plan on attending or creating speaking engagements as a way to draw more attention to this blog. This blog is fantastic and more people need to see what I have to offer. If there are any places that you know is looking for someone, please contact me and let me know.

8. Create an App

I want to create an app for Apple Store and Google Play. I have a few ideas which I don’t want to give away on here (shhh), but I have been teaching myself how to code in my downtime. I still have a lot of things to learn, but this has always been a passion project of mine. My mentor knows someone who works in the Technology space and app application is one of his expertise. I plan on networking with this person so I can learn more about this area and get my idea out to the market.

9. Finish my First Draft of my Graphic Novel

I have been working on this graphic novel even longer than my poetry book. Many people aren’t even aware that I had this novel in the works for years. I’m tired of not displaying my talent, and it’s time for this novel to reach the light of day. This draft will most likely take me the rest of the year to finish, but I’m determined to get it done. I plan on creating a list of items that I have left which will include deadlines for completion. Otherwise, this will never get done if I don’t create a project plan to complete this draft.

10. Attending More Horror Conventions

Attending more conventions is an easy goal as I’m the biggest horror fan ever! I already have one convention planned for this coming March and looking forward to more this year. There is another one in Dallas that I’m thinking about checking out in May while I’m there visiting a friend. Of course, I’ll be looking for more as I’m completely addicted to them. It’s like a candy store for a horror fan. It’s all the things you love in one place. What could beat that?

What are your goals for 2019 and how do you plan on executing them? How do you keep yourself motivated? Let’s help each other achieve our goals for this year!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Thkeya Life Inspiration turned one on Tuesday, January 8th. Thank you so much for all your support during this past year. It was a fantastic start to becoming a blogger, and I’m looking forward to what’s more to come. This year I’m planning on growing this blog and making it more prominent than ever! To celebrate this blog’s birthday, I will be running a contest starting today until Monday, February 11th at 11:59 pm eastern standard time. The contest rules are you have to like, comment and share Thkeya Life Inspiration for an entire month. Whoever does this the most will win the contest. The prize will be your choice of an iTunes or Amazon gift card to be delivered via email. Be sure to subscribe to Thkeya Life Inspiration to receive the most up to date information on the contest. I appreciate all the support and thanks again for continuing on this journey with me. Here’s to 2019 and all the new content that I have in store for you. Good luck and may the odds be in your favor!