Being an empath can be incredibly exhausting. I feel other people’s energy, and if the vibe isn’t right, it throws me completely off. I have been meticulous lately about who I let in my life. I don’t want to be in a situation where my energy is draining, or I feel uncomfortable around someone. I never want to make people feel uncomfortable, even if that’s my current emotion. Fast forward to recently; I started to date again. I know the dreaded dating scene. However, I’m going into it with a fresh perspective. I have a clear mindset of what I’m looking for in a mate. Previously I said I was looking for XYZ, but my potential suitors didn’t fit that match. That was my fault and not theirs.
I have an issue with saying no to people. My biggest fear is making someone feel like I don’t care for them or for them to feel useless. When it comes at the expense of your sanity, it’s hardly worth the effort. Saying no isn’t selfish, but saying yes to everything is. Think about it for a second. If you answer yes, even when you aren’t in the mood or not feeling the environment, who is hurt by this? Anything that directly impacts your mental health is not worth the effort.
You aren’t meant to be everyone’s cup of tea and vice versa. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. You can meet someone and instantly develop a connection, and for other people, it doesn’t exist at all. That doesn’t mean that something is wrong. All it means is that the two of you didn’t hit it off. Why force something that’s not working? I have never understood that way of thinking. Protect your energy and peace. If someone doesn’t understand this, then that person shouldn’t be in your life. The worst thing to be is misunderstood, and having someone not trying to understand you is even worst.
It’s a better use of time to spend it with like-minded people or people who have your best interest. Time and energy are very sacred pieces of yourself. Share life’s experiences with people who want to understand and have a place in your heart. Don’t hold onto temporary people as you will end up hurting yourself in the end.
What are some ways that you practice protecting your energy/peace?
I recently instituted a new rule in my life called the one-day mad rule. That means that I allow myself only one day to be upset. I have that whole day to work through whatever issues I’m having. Once I wake up the next day, it’s old news. I can no longer be upset about what happened yesterday. I have to exercise, hike, or anything to get my mind off what’s bothering me. The main objective is not to carry that anger with me through the next day. I’m telling you since I forced myself to adapt to this rule it’s been a complete game-changer. I had to get used to the idea, so it was a huge struggle at first. I’ve been following this for a month, and it increased my mood drastically. I’m in a much happier place, and most importantly I stopped getting on my nerves. Yes, that’s an authentic thing!
When you learn how to manage your emotions, it makes you a more pleasant person. People want to be around you more, and you overall give out positive vibes/energy. Plus, life is too short so what’s the point of holding onto all that negative energy? If you’re upset with someone forgive them and let it go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to allow that person to stay in your life. It just means you won’t let that person remain rent-free in your head. When you’re holding all that toxic energy, you’re the one impacted. Whoever hurt you most likely doesn’t know nor care. There’s no point in wasting precious time on things that aren’t aiding your mental health. The one-day mad rule will take getting used to, but the benefits are worthwhile.
Start small and commit yourself to make a change. Once you decide that you will make this change, it becomes easier. Also, when I see myself getting frustrated, that’s when I take a break. I go for a walk, listen to music, etc. Anything to get my mind off the anger. Putting yourself in a different mindset helps you to make decisions from a logical standpoint instead of emotions. That will keep you from having to apologize often due to hurt feelings. That’s the difference between adults and children. Adults learn when to speak, apply their emotions, and when to keep quiet. If you haven’t mastered this art it takes time and practice to perfect it. However, I committed to change my behavior. I’m going to fall short, but I’m going to keep at it until it becomes second nature. My one-day mad rule is here to stay!
What are some ways that you learned how to handle and manage your emotions?
Before the start of
the New Year, I see the same old
rhetoric. I’m getting rid of the poisonous
people in my life before the New Year. I don’t want to go into the New Year
with the previous year’s drama. The thing I find most interesting is the need
to do this every year. Do you have that many toxic people in your life? Is it necessary to remove these people regularly? This predicament
got me to thinking about a few things. Are these people toxic or is the poisonous person you? Think about it for a few
minutes. How many times did people leave your life and the first response is
that person was toxic anyway. After a while,
you need to start looking at the person in the mirror. Maybe you are having so
many issues because you are the toxic
person you are trying to remove. Self-reflection
is a hard thing to do, and sometimes it’s
difficult to admit destructive behavior
within ourselves. Acknowledging that you
might be toxic is scary at first. However, the reward for fixing yourself is very fulfilling.
It can be hard to admit, but
each of us has toxic behavior. Even I
have to correct the harmful habits that I
have. There is nothing wrong with accepting
you have an issue. The problem is never altering
your behavior. I understand that looking inside
yourself could be a mortifying
experience, but you can’t think that
everyone around you is the toxic one. If you find that you are always losing
friends and people are habitually walking out your life then maybe you are the
problem. You are the company that you keep. If you have to get rid of people
often, it’s time to reevaluate your discernment for picking friends. You have chosen these folks to be in your life. Why
would you select toxic people in the
first place? Once you see that someone is displaying bad behavior, it is up to you to say something. Waiting
until the New Year to remove someone from your life is problematic. It took the
New Year for you to notice this behavior.
Why wasn’t this person gone months ago? We are responsible for the folks we
allow to stay in our lives. At some point we have to say to ourselves I wanted
this to happen.
Again, think about it for a few more minutes. You like
something about this person to keep them around. They are only as toxic to your
life as you allow them to be. Once the toxicity has lasted long, you have to look inward as secretly you like the chaos. That’s the only
explanation for all the drama to fester for so long. Once the spectacle
consumes you for an extended period, you become the very thing you dislike.
When this occurs, you now become a toxic friend who
then causes people to run away from you. It is so important to protect your
peace from outsiders. Once that is disturbed no matter how much you want that
person around you must remove them out your life. Your mental state isn’t worth
the headache. Before concluding I need to
get rid of toxic friends determine if you have become toxic. If so, work on that so you can be a better person for yourself and others. The energy you
are getting from other people could be what you are giving out inadvertently.
What is your experience with toxic friends? And how did you conclude to remove them from your life? Did you
realize that you were becoming toxic? Is so, how did you fix it?
Are you the type of person who can pick up the emotions and energy of other people? For example, if someone cries you immediately feel that pain and cry as well. If you see something disturbing on television, does it tend to stay with you for the rest of the day? If you answered yes to these questions, then you are very in tune with your emotions. Some may even argue that you are too emotionally ingrained in your feelings. Having these feelings can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. The blessing is that you are very empathetic to others which can be very helpful in romantic relationships. The downside is this makes you very susceptible to energy vampires. They tend to prey upon your empathetic nature and guilt you into things you may not necessarily be comfortable doing. You become so engulfed with that person that you forget who you are and lose yourself in the process. Here is when you have to be careful with your emotions and who you let in your life. It’s effortless to get caught up with other people as you feel you are helping them. The issue becomes when they are taking, but won’t be there for you when you need it. When this happens, it leaves you high and dry with nothing to show for it. You felt empty and drained of all your resources.
I have this issue myself, so
I have a tough time not offering to help.
I guess I feel like I have to or I should since the person is confiding in me.
However, just because someone is venting to you doesn’t mean you have to take
that on. Especially if that person is never pouring back into you, you must protect your mental peace and learn
to say no to people. You can have empathy, but
that doesn’t mean owning what that person is dealing with currently. There’s nothing wrong with saying this is too much for
me to handle, so I need to back away. I am giving that other person time and space to
work through their issues. I know people say that if you back away you are
selfish and never cared about that person. I disagree with that statement. If
your problems are escalating to a point
where it is impossible to have a healthy
happy relationship, it’s time to leave. Relationships
involve two people growing together and moving towards becoming one with each
other. If one person isn’t in a position to do this then how is the relationship supposed to last? You
can only take so much and if that person
isn’t trying to fix it then what other
choice do you have? The same can be said for friendships and family members as
You can love people from afar,
but that doesn’t mean let that drama
enter your life and impact your wellbeing. For those of you who don’t have this
issue, I am jealous of you. You can separate
yourself from people and the problems
that are surrounding them. However, to those who tend to take on the emotions
and difficulties of others, we must be careful. We must be very
picky about who we let into our personal
and mental space. People can pick up on how we are and then it can be used to
their advantage. Look out for the signs that this person isn’t as generous and
using you to feel better about themselves. Listen to your gut and remove
yourself from any situation that is detrimental
to your health. We aren’t going any more
days, months, nor years with toxic behavior. We will no longer allow this to dampen our spirits.
We are moving forward in life with our peace and anything that disturbs that is
way too expensive.
Do you feel that you are too empathetic? If so, what have you done to correct this? If not, what do you think makes people more empathetic than others?
When you hear the word self-care what comes to mind? For me, it’s something that I don’t do enough. I’m always running around but never take the time to focus on myself entirely. We all need time to ourselves to unwind from the stresses of the day. You can’t be fully present for others if you have yet to be there for yourself. I’m learning that I can’t give my all and saying no is okay. I still feel guilty when I do however not being there for myself is even worse. How can you say you love yourself if you don’t give yourself the same care as everything else? Internally you deserve the same amount of attention as your job, bills, etc. No more excuses! From this day forward self-care will no longer be a slogan but a complete lifestyle change.
I concluded that I lacked self-care while being on this leadership council for a non-profit organization. I tried to make myself available to all the meetings and any activities that came up. Due to my work commitments being on this council was proving to be quite challenging. It didn’t matter however because I was determined to give back even if meant hurting myself in the process. Since this council is new, it requires a lot of time and effort. I could provide support but only in a limited capacity. I started to see that my availability and the council needs weren’t in alignment. I kept forcing myself to fit into a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit. I realize that honestly, I could give my all but at what cost? Sure I would be giving back, but I won’t be fully present as I would be exhausted. I have to take better care of myself if I’m going to be an asset. Until I cater to my needs, I can’t possibly be there for others.
Putting others before yourself is selfish because as a human you have needs as well. Not catering to your own needs creates resentment. Taking time to recharge your batteries gives you the space you need so you can get in touch with yourself. Also, it’s okay if you can’t be involved in everything. It’s better to dedicate yourself to a few events as opposed to every occasion and not enjoying it. Be honest about what your schedule permits. People may expect more but don’t let guilt deter you. Don’t let others have free reign over your time as you don’t get that back. You should be happy and excited anytime you are spending time on something. If your energy is continuously depleting that means you are neglecting your needs and you need to look into that. I’m practicing self-care currently, and unfortunately, it’s taking some adjustments on my part. I’m hoping you do the same if you haven’t started already. What are some of your self-care methods that you tried? Please share your comments below. Don’t forget to fill your daily dose of self-care or seek your treatment as needed.