One Day Mad Rule

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I recently instituted a new rule in my life called the one-day mad rule. That means that I allow myself only one day to be upset. I have that whole day to work through whatever issues I’m having. Once I wake up the next day, it’s old news. I can no longer be upset about what happened yesterday. I have to exercise, hike, or anything to get my mind off what’s bothering me. The main objective is not to carry that anger with me through the next day. I’m telling you since I forced myself to adapt to this rule it’s been a complete game-changer. I had to get used to the idea, so it was a huge struggle at first. I’ve been following this for a month, and it increased my mood drastically. I’m in a much happier place, and most importantly I stopped getting on my nerves. Yes, that’s an authentic thing!

When you learn how to manage your emotions, it makes you a more pleasant person. People want to be around you more, and you overall give out positive vibes/energy. Plus, life is too short so what’s the point of holding onto all that negative energy? If you’re upset with someone forgive them and let it go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to allow that person to stay in your life. It just means you won’t let that person remain rent-free in your head. When you’re holding all that toxic energy, you’re the one impacted. Whoever hurt you most likely doesn’t know nor care. There’s no point in wasting precious time on things that aren’t aiding your mental health. The one-day mad rule will take getting used to, but the benefits are worthwhile.

Start small and commit yourself to make a change. Once you decide that you will make this change, it becomes easier. Also, when I see myself getting frustrated, that’s when I take a break. I go for a walk, listen to music, etc. Anything to get my mind off the anger. Putting yourself in a different mindset helps you to make decisions from a logical standpoint instead of emotions. That will keep you from having to apologize often due to hurt feelings. That’s the difference between adults and children. Adults learn when to speak, apply their emotions, and when to keep quiet. If you haven’t mastered this art it takes time and practice to perfect it. However, I committed to change my behavior. I’m going to fall short, but I’m going to keep at it until it becomes second nature. My one-day mad rule is here to stay!

What are some ways that you learned how to handle and manage your emotions?

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Protect Black Girls

I watched the first two episodes of “Surviving R. Kelly,” and I was punching the air. I was disgusted by what all these women described, and my heart goes out to them. They were very brave to share their stories, and I pray that they continue to lead productive lives in spite of what has occurred. This story brought up many emotions in me, but one, in particular, is related to anger. Black girls are not even thought of when it comes to matters of sexual abuse. There are countless stories of abused black girls, and it gets swept under the rug. When things like this happen to other girls, it makes national headlines, and there is a public outcry. What about black girls? Do their lives not matter? It raises even more questions about why in the black community do we protect the abuser instead of the abused. There is that one uncle that is a little too friendly, or you hear family members speak about not letting a specific person babysit. Let’s take it a step further to mom’s new boyfriend/husband or even the pastor. It’s that guy that hangs out at the school that graduated many years ago or picking up a young girl from school. It’s the guy that has a preference for young girls or a hiring manager telling a potential hire how badly do you want this job? I can go on and on with a gamut of situations. Everything goes back to why is this allowed to continue?

The worse part of it all is women victim blaming other women for their sexual abuse. They will be very quick to say she’s fast or she deserved it based off how she dressed. It doesn’t matter how someone looks or acts. They can be butt naked walking down the street. Nobody has a right to touch or harass them in any way. As a society, there is too much victim blaming, and the anger should be towards the person who deserves it. When will protection for the abusers STOP?! Every person who is aware of a black girl who is victimized and does nothing is just as guilty as the person committing the crime. Please stop having girls go around their abuser pretending as nothing happened. That is hurtful and insulting to their mental wellbeing. You are in essence telling them to accept toxic behavior and don’t expect anyone to come to their aid. Being silent is also telling girls that their only purpose is for the sexual gratification of men. This brainwashing mentality then gets passed down to the next generation and so forth. Break the cycle now and stop protecting these revolting men and have them locked up.

Some things you can rehabilitate from, but pedophilia is not something that I believe you can turn around (my opinion). One of the hardest things for survivors to deal with is people calling them liars. Once you do finally get over the guilt/shame and then to be called a lair is disheartening. I can think of many things to lie about but being sexually abused is not one of them. You are scrutinized and deemed as a deviant so who would want that drama. Put your pride to the side and loneliness to protect your child. Single mothers especially need to be careful as someone could date you to get close to your daughter. We all could be more vigilant and be more cautious about who we let around our children. Also, we need to create an avenue when girls speak out about being abused that help at the forefront. Support is going to the police and getting therapy to name a few ideas. It takes a lot of courage to speak out. If more girls saw that it was safe to tell their truth, it will help others to say theirs as well. Not everyone who smiles in your face has good intentions. Stop protecting these abusers as speaking out can save someone else’s life.

What are your thoughts on the R. Kelly situation? Have you dealt with this or know someone who has? If so, what was the outcome? What are some ideas that we can do as a community to prevent this from happening in the future? Let’s continue the dialogue in the comment section below. FYI I know that many girls are impacted by sexually abused. I’m calling out black girls due to the backlash that these brave women were receiving online from speaking out about R. Kelly.

Until next time,