I recently instituted a new rule in my life called the one-day mad rule. That means that I allow myself only one day to be upset. I have that whole day to work through whatever issues I’m having. Once I wake up the next day, it’s old news. I can no longer be upset about what happened yesterday. I have to exercise, hike, or anything to get my mind off what’s bothering me. The main objective is not to carry that anger with me through the next day. I’m telling you since I forced myself to adapt to this rule it’s been a complete game-changer. I had to get used to the idea, so it was a huge struggle at first. I’ve been following this for a month, and it increased my mood drastically. I’m in a much happier place, and most importantly I stopped getting on my nerves. Yes, that’s an authentic thing!
When you learn how to manage your emotions, it makes you a more pleasant person. People want to be around you more, and you overall give out positive vibes/energy. Plus, life is too short so what’s the point of holding onto all that negative energy? If you’re upset with someone forgive them and let it go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to allow that person to stay in your life. It just means you won’t let that person remain rent-free in your head. When you’re holding all that toxic energy, you’re the one impacted. Whoever hurt you most likely doesn’t know nor care. There’s no point in wasting precious time on things that aren’t aiding your mental health. The one-day mad rule will take getting used to, but the benefits are worthwhile.
Start small and commit yourself to make a change. Once you decide that you will make this change, it becomes easier. Also, when I see myself getting frustrated, that’s when I take a break. I go for a walk, listen to music, etc. Anything to get my mind off the anger. Putting yourself in a different mindset helps you to make decisions from a logical standpoint instead of emotions. That will keep you from having to apologize often due to hurt feelings. That’s the difference between adults and children. Adults learn when to speak, apply their emotions, and when to keep quiet. If you haven’t mastered this art it takes time and practice to perfect it. However, I committed to change my behavior. I’m going to fall short, but I’m going to keep at it until it becomes second nature. My one-day mad rule is here to stay!
What are some ways that you learned how to handle and manage your emotions?
I watched the first
two episodes of “Surviving R. Kelly,” and I was punching the air. I was disgusted by what all these women
described, and my heart goes out to them. They were very brave to share
their stories, and I pray that they
continue to lead productive lives in spite of what has occurred. This story brought up many emotions in me, but one, in particular, is related to anger.
Black girls are not even thought of when it comes to matters of sexual abuse.
There are countless stories of abused black girls, and it gets swept under the
rug. When things like this happen to other girls,
it makes national headlines, and there is
a public outcry. What about black girls?
Do their lives not matter? It raises even more questions about why in the black
community do we protect the abuser instead of the abused. There is that one uncle that is a little too friendly, or you hear
family members speak about not letting a specific
person babysit. Let’s take it a step further to mom’s new boyfriend/husband or even the pastor. It’s that guy that hangs
out at the school that graduated many years ago or picking up a young girl from
school. It’s the guy that has a preference for young girls or a hiring manager
telling a potential hire how badly do you
want this job? I can go on and on with a gamut of situations. Everything goes
back to why is this allowed to continue?
The worse part of it all is women victim blaming other women
for their sexual abuse. They will be very quick to say she’s fast or she
deserved it based off how she dressed. It doesn’t matter how someone looks or
acts. They can be butt naked walking down the street. Nobody has a right to
touch or harass them in any way. As a society, there is too much victim blaming, and the anger should be towards the person who
deserves it. When will protection for the abusers STOP?! Every person who is
aware of a black girl who is victimized and
does nothing is just as guilty as the
person committing the crime. Please stop having girls go around their abuser
pretending as nothing happened. That is
hurtful and insulting to their mental wellbeing. You are in essence telling
them to accept toxic behavior and don’t expect anyone
to come to their aid. Being silent is also telling girls that their only
purpose is for the sexual gratification of men. This brainwashing mentality then gets passed down to
the next generation and so forth. Break the cycle now and stop protecting these
revolting men and have them locked up.
Some things you can rehabilitate
from, but pedophilia
is not something that I believe you can turn around (my opinion). One of the
hardest things for survivors to deal with
is people calling them liars. Once you do finally get over the guilt/shame and
then to be called a lair is disheartening. I can think of many things to lie about but being sexually abused is not one of
them. You are scrutinized and deemed as a deviant so who would want that drama.
Put your pride to the side and loneliness
to protect your child. Single mothers
especially need to be careful as someone could date you to get close to your daughter.
We all could be more vigilant and be more
who we let around our children. Also, we need to create an avenue when girls speak out about being abused that help at the forefront. Support is going to the police and getting therapy to name a few
ideas. It takes a lot of courage to speak out. If more girls saw that it was
safe to tell their truth, it will help
others to say theirs as well. Not
everyone who smiles in your face has good
intentions. Stop protecting these abusers as speaking out can save someone else’s
What are your thoughts on the R. Kelly situation? Have you dealt with this or know someone who has? If so,
what was the outcome? What are some ideas that we can do as a community to
prevent this from happening in the future? Let’s continue the dialogue in the
comment section below. FYI I know that many girls are impacted by sexually
abused. I’m calling out black girls due to the backlash that these brave women
were receiving online from speaking out about R. Kelly.