The 6 Lessons I Learned On My Healing Journey

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I’ve been on a healing journey for the past two years. It’s been one of the most challenging things I have ever experienced. Going down this path is not for the faint of heart. You’ll face many demons, and the amount of self-reflection will make you question your sanity. However, the payoff is rewarding in that all the unpleasant spots make the journey that much sweeter. You have to complete your shadow work to get the most out of this healing process. If you aren’t familiar with the term, it means the unconscious side of you that’s hidden and represents the darkest side of your personality. For example, secretly being jealous of a friend/family member or self-sabotaging because you don’t believe you deserve something. Throughout the rest of the blog post, I will discuss the 6 things I learned on my journey that I wish I had known in the beginning. I hope that having this information at your disposal will aid you in this complex undertaking.

Create Clear Objectives

The objectives that I created, in the beginning, had no depth to them. I would make statements such as I want to be happy and stop self-sabotaging my happiness. Those are great things to say, but it doesn’t give me much to work with in determining what needs to happen. An example of a better objective is why am I self-sabotaging, and how do I recognize when it’s happening to counteract it? The first step is to get to the root of the issue and then create solutions around correcting it. I spent extra time unnecessarily because I didn’t have clear objectives on what I needed. It’s difficult to ask for help when you can’t articulate what you need. You’ll have to have a heart-to-heart and iron out these details. You won’t be able to start nor get the most out of this process until you do. 

It’s Lonely

I stated earlier that this journey isn’t for the weak. It’s because most of it will be solo. You can have a life coach, therapist, spiritual advisor, etc., guiding you. However, you still need to do the individual work, which means you’ll be on your own. I lost count of the number of uncomfortable moments I experienced. I wanted to give up so many times. I cried to my therapist about why am I even doing this to myself. She repeatedly reminded me that I wanted to break old habits and create a more fulfilling life. I held up a mirror to myself and called out patterns that kept me from being my highest self. I had to learn not only to take accountability, but I had to fix the problem once I acknowledged that it existed. I’m much more self-aware, and my communication has vastly improved. It was a process to get to this point. 

Don’t Quit

When you get to the shadow side of the healing process, let me tell you, it’s a doozy. The things we leave to our unconscious mind that stays buried until we’re triggered are astonishing. These are the things that represent the worst parts of ourselves. It’s hidden because we don’t want to share it with anyone. However, you can’t miss this part when you need to heal. Honestly, I wanted to quit before; that was nothing compared to when I had to complete the shadow portion of my healing. I highly recommend not completing this portion on your own. Seek out a therapist or spiritual advisor because what you unearth here can scar you if your mind isn’t receiving adequate care. I went through this, and you can do it too. It will get you to where you want to be, but don’t quit no matter how difficult it gets. Remember why you’re doing this healing to help you get through the shadow portion. 

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Relationships Will End

One of the trickiest parts of this healing journey is the number of people you lose. I had to end relationships between romantic and non-romantic. Unfortunately, there were people that I couldn’t take along with me. I thought I could, but my healing made me realize how toxic everyone was, including me. Seeing things in a new light offers a different perspective. Previously, I had difficulty seeing self-destructive behaviors because I was a part of them. I don’t want to be a part of that behavior anymore. There’s the price you pay when the other people in your life don’t feel the same. Once you reach an impasse, the only thing left to do is part ways. You’ll feel that person(s) is holding you back and not supporting you. They’ll develop resentment and eventually ghost you as they don’t want to bring you down with their negativity. Outgrowing people is a normal part of life, but it accelerates when you decide to begin this process. 

Get A Support Group

Just because you’ll lose people along the way, that doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to find your tribe. There are other people out there who are on a healing journey. Those are the people that you will have to connect with going forward. They’ll have your best interest at heart. They’ll also let you know when you’re falling off track. That is the support you’ll need to help you as the temptation to fall back into old habits comes around. Of course, old friends/family and lovers will come back to disturb your peace. Your support system will step in and provide you with that extra boost to get you through it. I’m not sure why or how, but when you’re healing, evil spirits want to through you off your game. It comes as a test to see if you’re committed to this long-term. You’ll pass as long as you keep the right people in your corner. The old saying, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future,” is the most accurate statement, especially in this phase. 

Healing Is An Ongoing Process

I saved the most critical lesson for last. The healing process never stops. I know you thought I went through all of this, and I still have more work. The answer to this question is yes, you do. You have to make sure that you maintain all the tools you learned. The only way to achieve this is by continuous work. The bright part here is that the hard work is behind you. Once you reach this phase, it is all about maintenance. If you feel compelled to go back to the complex stages, by all means, do what you must. Otherwise, stick to focusing on the upkeep as this is called a journey for a reason. You got this, and I’m rooting for your continued success!

I’m the best version of myself, and I never imagined I would say that out loud. My younger self would be proud of the woman I’ve become. Standing up and saying I could be better is not something many people do. I’m in awe of anyone who wants to take the necessary steps to improve their life. I understand how powerful it is to take charge of your life in that way. Every day, it amazes me how I not only said I would do this, but I also stuck with it. I’m saluting everyone else on this journey. We are the best and the biggest Queens ever to take on such a task!

Are you on your healing journey now, or are you interested in starting one? What have you learned on your journey, and could you apply anything in this post to yours? Please share your thoughts and comments below. 

I’ll chat with you in the next post!

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Let Go of Temporary People

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Not sure if any of you seen the video circulating of Madea (Tyler Perry) discussing letting people go. If you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you can find it on YouTube. It’s a fascinating video. The jest of it states that you need to determine who’s in your life for a season or a lifetime. Some people’s primary purpose is to teach you a lesson. Not necessarily to spend the rest of their life with you. It’s up to us to learn the difference.  However, we hold a tighter grip on that person when we need to let them go. Madea also mentioned that’s why people are having a difficult time because they’re keeping a dying relationship alive. I understand some folks don’t want to be alone or start over. I think we have to stop looking at this as a bad thing. It is more of an opportunity for you to grow and move in a more positive direction. Staying with someone for the sake of having someone is plain dreadful. That’s a miserable existence that I don’t want in my life.

These life lessons are too valuable to miss. I had two people that I used to have as friends. We had a falling out that, to this day, still doesn’t make much sense. I didn’t realize at the time that those friendships ending turned to be blessings in disguise. The lessons I learned from those relationships I still use to this day.  If one friend is playing both sides and keeps the drama going, then move right on past that person. A real friend never wants to pin two friends against each other. Their main objective would be keeping the peace. Also, watch how friends treat you after a romantic relationship ends. When my ex-fiancé and I broke up, I noticed a shift in two of my friendships. It came across like they didn’t know how to be my friend anymore. We all spent time together due to the fact we all were couples. I guess since now I wasn’t a couple, I no longer fit the image. Of course, this isn’t how friendships should be at all.

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I discussed the shift with my two friends at the time, and they were gas lighting me, of course. Other friends warned me to be careful, and something seemed off with that situation. Of course, I didn’t listen, and ultimately the friendships fall apart. One friend was increasingly becoming distant, so I knew something was up. One day I finally called her out and asked her what’s going on? She said she wants to move on and gave a bogus explanation of moving away from friends who also knew Sharon (not her real name). I thought it was silly, but she wanted to leave my life, so I let the door wide open for her. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt. However, I wasn’t begging for someone to stay when their actions proved otherwise. I wish both of them the best, but it was time for us to part ways.

The biggest lesson I learned from this is when someone starts to treat you differently, pay attention. That person’s feelings toward you are changing, and if you aren’t careful, you’ll be shocked by what comes next. When someone is genuinely committed to you, they will have your back no matter what. That’s what true love is all about with your flaws and all. If nothing else, I learned who truly cared for me or who was ready to discard me when I didn’t fit their image. It’s sad when things end, but not everything is a loss. Some things work out for the better only when you allow it and stop fighting the process.

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How did you move on from situations that no longer served a purpose in your life?