Personal Reflection – Thkeya's Reflections on Life

The 6 Lessons I Learned On My Healing Journey

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I’ve been on a healing journey for the past two years. It’s been one of the most challenging things I have ever experienced. Going down this path is not for the faint of heart. You’ll face many demons, and the amount of self-reflection will make you question your sanity. However, the payoff is rewarding in that all the unpleasant spots make the journey that much sweeter. You have to complete your shadow work to get the most out of this healing process. If you aren’t familiar with the term, it means the unconscious side of you that’s hidden and represents the darkest side of your personality. For example, secretly being jealous of a friend/family member or self-sabotaging because you don’t believe you deserve something. Throughout the rest of the blog post, I will discuss the 6 things I learned on my journey that I wish I had known in the beginning. I hope that having this information at your disposal will aid you in this complex undertaking.

Create Clear Objectives

The objectives that I created, in the beginning, had no depth to them. I would make statements such as I want to be happy and stop self-sabotaging my happiness. Those are great things to say, but it doesn’t give me much to work with in determining what needs to happen. An example of a better objective is why am I self-sabotaging, and how do I recognize when it’s happening to counteract it? The first step is to get to the root of the issue and then create solutions around correcting it. I spent extra time unnecessarily because I didn’t have clear objectives on what I needed. It’s difficult to ask for help when you can’t articulate what you need. You’ll have to have a heart-to-heart and iron out these details. You won’t be able to start nor get the most out of this process until you do.

It’s Lonely

I stated earlier that this journey isn’t for the weak. It’s because most of it will be solo. You can have a life coach, therapist, spiritual advisor, etc., guiding you. However, you still need to do the individual work, which means you’ll be on your own. I lost count of the number of uncomfortable moments I experienced. I wanted to give up so many times. I cried to my therapist about why am I even doing this to myself. She repeatedly reminded me that I wanted to break old habits and create a more fulfilling life. I held up a mirror to myself and called out patterns that kept me from being my highest self. I had to learn not only to take accountability, but I had to fix the problem once I acknowledged that it existed. I’m much more self-aware, and my communication has vastly improved. It was a process to get to this point.

Don’t Quit

When you get to the shadow side of the healing process, let me tell you, it’s a doozy. The things we leave to our unconscious mind that stays buried until we’re triggered are astonishing. These are the things that represent the worst parts of ourselves. It’s hidden because we don’t want to share it with anyone. However, you can’t miss this part when you need to heal. Honestly, I wanted to quit before; that was nothing compared to when I had to complete the shadow portion of my healing. I highly recommend not completing this portion on your own. Seek out a therapist or spiritual advisor because what you unearth here can scar you if your mind isn’t receiving adequate care. I went through this, and you can do it too. It will get you to where you want to be, but don’t quit no matter how difficult it gets. Remember why you’re doing this healing to help you get through the shadow portion.

Relationships Will End

One of the trickiest parts of this healing journey is the number of people you lose. I had to end relationships between romantic and non-romantic. Unfortunately, there were people that I couldn’t take along with me. I thought I could, but my healing made me realize how toxic everyone was, including me. Seeing things in a new light offers a different perspective. Previously, I had difficulty seeing self-destructive behaviors because I was a part of them. I don’t want to be a part of that behavior anymore. There’s the price you pay when the other people in your life don’t feel the same. Once you reach an impasse, the only thing left to do is part ways. You’ll feel that person(s) is holding you back and not supporting you. They’ll develop resentment and eventually ghost you as they don’t want to bring you down with their negativity. Outgrowing people is a normal part of life, but it accelerates when you decide to begin this process.

Get A Support Group

Just because you’ll lose people along the way, that doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to find your tribe. There are other people out there who are on a healing journey. Those are the people that you will have to connect with going forward. They’ll have your best interest at heart. They’ll also let you know when you’re falling off track. That is the support you’ll need to help you as the temptation to fall back into old habits comes around. Of course, old friends/family and lovers will come back to disturb your peace. Your support system will step in and provide you with that extra boost to get you through it. I’m not sure why or how, but when you’re healing, evil spirits want to through you off your game. It comes as a test to see if you’re committed to this long-term. You’ll pass as long as you keep the right people in your corner. The old saying, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future,” is the most accurate statement, especially in this phase.

Healing Is An Ongoing Process

I saved the most critical lesson for last. The healing process never stops. I know you thought I went through all of this, and I still have more work. The answer to this question is yes, you do. You have to make sure that you maintain all the tools you learned. The only way to achieve this is by continuous work. The bright part here is that the hard work is behind you. Once you reach this phase, it is all about maintenance. If you feel compelled to go back to the complex stages, by all means, do what you must. Otherwise, stick to focusing on the upkeep as this is called a journey for a reason. You got this, and I’m rooting for your continued success!

I’m the best version of myself, and I never imagined I would say that out loud. My younger self would be proud of the woman I’ve become. Standing up and saying I could be better is not something many people do. I’m in awe of anyone who wants to take the necessary steps to improve their life. I understand how powerful it is to take charge of your life in that way. Every day, it amazes me how I not only said I would do this, but I also stuck with it. I’m saluting everyone else on this journey. We are the best and the biggest Queens ever to take on such a task!

Are you on your healing journey now, or are you interested in starting one? What have you learned on your journey, and could you apply anything in this post to yours? Please share your thoughts and comments below.

I’ll chat with you in the next post!

Top 20 Songs In My Playlist

Hi everyone! I know it’s been a while since you heard from me. I took a break longer than I anticipated. Covid has been a lot to deal with, but I have to get back to consistency with this blog. I will let you all know when I plan on taking breaks. It’s not fair to leave all of you hanging, but I appreciate everyone who stuck around with me during this time. I thought it would be fun for all of you to get reacquainted with me again. I want to start with a light-hearted post for my first entry back to blogging. I can’t think of a better way to start a post than with music. The songs below are in heavy rotation within my playlist at the moment. The list changes often, but the list below includes my current favorites.

St. Vincent

Savior

Masseducation

Slow Disco

Down

My Baby Wants A Baby

The Strangers

Cheerleader

Digital Witness

Celine Dion

Lying Down

Flying On My Own

Tinashe

Naturally

333

Undo (Back To My Heart)

I Can See The Future

Solange

Don’t You Wait

Don’t Touch My Hair

Taylor Swift

Cruel Summer

Doja Cat

You Right

Woman

I hope you enjoyed learning more about me via my playlist. Please share your current playlist below and let me know if some of the songs or artists are your favorites. I’ll chat with you all in the next post!

Work From Home Blues

I’m not sure if I shared this information with all of you. I’ve been working from home since March 13th. After I reveal this information immediately, the response is, “Wow, how are you managing that?” Contrary to popular belief, I am an introvert. I know shocker but not necessarily to those who know me personally. I had to learn how to navigate this extroverted world and let me tell you; it’s not easy. My fellow introverts will be able to relate to that last statement. Overall, working from home takes its toll on you regardless if you’re an introvert or not. At some point, you’ll miss your co-workers, not having to work as hard (basically, you’ll feel guilty for putting in less than 100%), the little joys such as happy hour after work, and some shred of normalcy. If your curious about how I overcame the work from home blues, then keep reading. I came up with four steps that have been instrumental to me during this pandemic. Of course, more can be added, and feel free to share them in the comment section below.

Update Your Surroundings

Nothing says boring like your uninspiring makeshift office space. If your overall area is dull and in desperate need of a makeover, then make it happen. You can’t be surprised if your brain is in a constant state of depression if your workspace looks like a horror movie (I love horror; btw, this is just an example). I’m a big believer in your surroundings do impact your mood. For you to feel amazing, your workspace needs to be unique to you. Add your favorite things to your work area. For example, travel items, memorabilia items, novelty items, or whatever tickles your fancy. The point of this is to spruce up your workspace and to have you love your new office. Plus, if we’re going to be home for a while, you need to love your new digs.

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Take Productive Breaks

There is this tendency to work like crazy when working from home. I believe subconsciously; we want our employers to know we’re working hard and not wasting time. Unfortunately, what comes with this line of thinking is the lack of awareness to take breaks. I remember countless times during the beginning of the pandemic when I would work past lunchtime. I would look up, and it was 4 o’clock, and I remembered I didn’t have lunch today. Let me tell you those days are OVER! I have a recurring meeting for my lunchtime. Sometimes the time may change, given my workload that day. However, I have lunch every day, as expected. No more thinking I need to get work done because nothing is worth your health. Depending on how the day is going, you may need to take additional 15-minute breaks. If so, don’t be afraid to schedule those times as well. We’re all trying to survive this pandemic the best that we can. Being a workhorse isn’t the wave, so don’t jump on it.

Look Into Training

One of the most incredible things about this pandemic is the ability to work on something that we had on the back burner. I know for a fact there has to be a new area you wanted to try or training that you keep shifting from month to month. There’s no time like the present to seize the day! Working on yourself during this time will set you up nicely when either a new project comes up or returning to the office. For example, I recently completed training at work, and now I have an opportunity to work on a new project. If I didn’t take the opportunity to gain this knowledge, then I couldn’t be apart of this new endeavor. You never know what opportunities can arise from taking on new challenges. Even if it doesn’t pay off right away, it can help with adding further details to your resume. Given the current economic climate, the more skills you have, the better. These skills can be the reason why you’re in high demand by employers. Being in a position to demand salary and place of employment is the ultimate goal.

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Take Your PTO

I understand your response is, “Where am I going?” If that is your first reaction, then you’re missing the entire point. The pandemic may have put a dampen on things travel-wise, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy local activities. Given the extra emphasis that COVID-19 has on mental health, breaks are more critical than ever. Working every week with no breaks is not recommended pandemic or not. Why are you letting this time stop you from enjoying yourself? Take time to spend with family, friends, and, most importantly, with yourself. Taking time away from work will cause you to be more productive once you log back on. Life is stressful enough, so don’t add to it but not taking time off work. Work will be there once you return. You truly aren’t missing anything, so get out there and LIVE!

I have implemented all four of these steps during the past seven months, which changed my life. I was ready to throw the laptop out the window because, at some point, enough is enough. There’s only so much a person can take with the isolation that working from home can cause. I got to the realization that I missed my co-workers, and we started having virtual lunches. Those lunches were game-changers as it made me feel connected in a small way. That made me realize how much in life we take for granted and how it an instant it can disappear. Hopefully, these tips will help you as you move forward in this new work from home environment.

Be sure to check out the discussion question below before you go, and I’ll chat with you in the next blog.

What tips are you using to overcome the work from home blues?

Quarantine Life Part 3: Embracing Change

I understand that people need things to return to normal. Keep in mind our previous way of life wasn’t all that glamorous. We worked long hours, hardly spent time with family, gave away our dreams, and for some trying to keep up with the Joneses. This quarantine time has been very reflective for me, reflecting on my life pre-COVID to now. I don’t want things to go back to how they were. Yes, I’m looking forward to getting back outside, but I want things to be different. In the coming paragraphs, I’m going to discuss why change after the COVID pandemic is a good thing and what I expect to change. With the current reset, we’ve now is the perfect time to examine our lives to see what changes we can make for the better.

Family Time

I’m close to my family, but if I’m honest, we could be spending more time together. I can’t remember the last time I’ve spoken to my family this much. We’ve been reaching out more via phone calls and video chats. We even made plans to do more traveling and spend more time together very soon. This ordeal made us realize now more than ever the importance of family. Having loved ones who genuinely care for you is so amazing. You have to embrace and cherish those moments. Anytime that we get to spend together is a blessing that we mustn’t take for granted. Life is fleeting, and this quarantine is proving that every day. Live in the moment for as long as you can and let go of unnecessary baggage. Move forward in love is the best option and provides a more fulfilling life.

Work/Life Balance

Before COVID, I was working a lot. Not as much as I’ve been in the past but enough to interfere with my life. Cue in traveling, which helped to break up the tedious daily routine. I would have fun while enjoying a break from work. Now during this quarantine, I’ve had time to reflect on the things that matter in this world. Honestly, work is not as important as your life. Anyone working until oblivion makes no sense, especially since these companies will replace you in a heartbeat. Supporting yourself and your family is critical, but there needs to be a balance. Take those vacations, sick, and personal days. Work will be there once you return. Burning yourself out will only cause resentment, depression, and anger into your life. You don’t want to look back on what you should’ve done. There are no do-overs in life, so it’s best to live it to the fullest.

Dream Chaser

I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I could remember. Unfortunately, I didn’t follow my heart as I believed that I could never make a living doing what I loved. Instead, I took up a more practical skill to make an honest living. The projections that others put on you is more of a reflection of themselves than you. I wish I would’ve listened and followed my gut instinct years ago. My regret as far as writing goes is that I should’ve started sooner. Anyway, it’s better late than never. I’m telling you that narrative as an example to chase your dreams. Sure, people will think you’re out of your mind, but so what? Do you want to look back on your life and wish, or do you want to live for you now? That’s your only option as you can’t go after your dreams and please people. If people are going to be mad, at least be winning at your goals. During this quarantine, you see how quickly things can change in a matter of minutes. Chase your dreams with the highest amount of urgency and give people something to discuss.

Love Unapologetically

One thing that saddens me during this time is the lack of empathy for others. I hear people say I don’t know anyone impacted, so the virus isn’t that serious. That is beyond disrespectful to the men and women who risk their lives daily as essential employees. I know four people who suffered from COVID, and one person still battling it. I never thought I would live in a world where this would be the norm. As a human being, you need to show compassion to others. You are blessed not to know anyone personally, but don’t be miserable about it to others. Also, let’s please learn to celebrate someone else’s successes. The number of negative responses I see regarding someone saying they purchased a new home, a new promotion, etc. is unwarranted. Have some of you lost your humanity? That’s why things aren’t going right for you because you can’t be happy for others. When someone is in their winning season, cheer them on. I’m sure you want the same thing when it’s your turn. Learn to be happy for others and watch how you become blessed—being mean spirited blocks your happiness every time. Don’t be afraid to give and spread love. Love is something that we all can’t get enough of, and it’s best when shared among many people.

That concludes the last part of my quarantine life series. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I had fun writing it. I understand how easy it is to look at this from a negative vantage point. My intention with creating this series was to show the positive aspects during the quarantine life. This reset button, as I like to call it, allows us to reevaluate our lives for the better. I understand the difficulties many are facing, and I pray that things turn around very soon. I hope that this series gave you some solace of better days ahead. If I learned anything, it’s that perception is everything. If I perceive it isn’t good, then it is. However, if I believe things are lovely, then they are. As the old saying goes, perception is reality. It’s up to you which reality you want to represent you.

Don’t forget to check out the discussion question before you go, and I’ll see you next time!

What do you want to change or stay the same after quarantine? Why or why not?

Quarantine Life Part 2: Glow Up

With all the time we have to think and focus on what’s to come. Now is the best time to work on the things you’ve been putting off. There’s only so much television, social media, and phone conversations you can have. At some point, you have to take action. While everyone else is focusing on mundane things, you can be working on your glow up. Yes, there is no time like the present. I was moping around complaining about what I’m going to do? There’s only so much working and Netflix I can take. Besides the fact of being alive (Thank God), I have too much free time to waste. I’m not bashing anyone who may feel that surviving is good enough for them. I hope nobody feels slighted or ridiculed in any way. This post is for those people who want to glow up and need an extra incentive to do so.

Fitness

I’ve been talking about wanting to work out again for a while. I felt the pounds coming on, and I was over it! Through the power of the Internet (via Facebook), my former boot camp coach contacted me after reading my comment about exercising. It started as a 21-day calorie quarantine crusher challenge. I’m currently on the 21-day 2.0 version, and this week I started the healthy living portion of the program. I’m addicted to working out again in a short amount of time. I’ve continuously been exercising since April 6th. I lost 4 inches so far, and I can’t believe how strong I’m becoming. I’m pushing myself like I never have before. I have more motivation behind why I’m taking this fitness journey seriously this time around. I may or may not share some time in the future. My main point is to set a realistic goal of getting into shape, and you’ll become addicted as well. Fitness has helped to improve my mood, which brings me to my next point of self-care.

Self-Care

I speak about therapy often on this blog, so there’s no surprise why it’s apart of this post. Mental health issues are skyrocketing during this time. The self-isolation alone is enough to drive anyone crazy. Be sure to check in with yourself daily. Whether you decide to seek therapy or not, you need to have an outlet. The self-isolation isn’t the time to hold your emotions in as it can have dire consequences. You can journal as well if you don’t feel comfortable sharing with others. Anything to express how you feel will do wonders. The main point is to get rid of those negative thoughts in your head. Be careful how you speak to yourself and what you allow yourself to hear. Negative talk can seep into your brain and get into your sub-conscience. Then ultimately, it will manifest into disruptive behaviors. Now is a perfect time to work on self-care if that’s an area that needs improvement. You have loads of time to practice, so get to it!

Career

I wrote a few posts back about my plans to get a new job this year. I started the process, but so far it hasn’t panned out. Rejection is redirection into an area I need to be. I began to look inward at my network for a job as I would like to have a regression proof career. That regardless of what’s going on in the world, I would still be able to support myself. I had two informational interviews so far, and I’m currently working on the third. I struggled to try to secure these networking opportunities before coronavirus, but now it’s happening—the exact definition of a blessing in disguise. Based on the feedback I received, I need to get additional training under my belt to aid in securing a new job. It will show future employers that I’m capable and ready for the new role. I know which training I need to take because it’s what’s required/most requested. This information is critical because, without these informational interviews, I wouldn’t have known. When the next job prospects come along, I’ll be more prepared. My biggest takeaway was if I want to get to the next level, then utilize my network. You never know who someone knows or how that one interaction can bring you closer to your dreams.

Finances

It is sad to hear on the news about the unemployment numbers. I’m grateful I can work from home and still receive a paycheck. The quarantine shed light for me about how I need to create a better financial safety net for myself. As the old saying goes, if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready. I recently checked my 401(k) to see when the last time I re-balanced it. (If you aren’t familiar with the term, research it.) That is something that you should check periodically. You have to change your elections to receive the maximum benefit. Any safety net you create has to be under constant review. The safety nets include (in addition to 401(k)) Roth IRA, savings account, CD, stocks and bonds, 529 plans, Simple IRA, SEP IRA, traditional IRA, and Roth 401(k) to name a few. I’m not trying to provide any financial advice. This information is provided strictly as informational, and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you and your family. Having these safety nets removes the worry about what will happen in the event of an economic downturn. Even if you aren’t in a position to participate now, you can still learn for later use. The more you know, the more informed financial decisions you can make in the future.

Your idea of glowing up can be completely different from mine, but you get the picture. It is a blessing to have this much free time on your heads. You can concentrate on all the things that you swept under the rug. Glowing up isn’t limited to clothing/appearance (I have purchased new clothes, so stay tuned world) but about what you’re feeding your mind and soul. I’m going to leave you with a quote my fitness coach told me. “If you don’t feel like doing something, then now is the best time to start.” I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Now go out there and glow up like a diamond!

Don’t forget to check out the discussion question before you go, and I’ll see you in the next post.

How do you plan on glowing up during this quarantine?

Quarantine Life Part 1: Relationships

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I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. It’s been a lot trying to get through the current stay at home order. I’ve observed something about relationships during this quarantine life. I’m going to write a three-part series, including this post about my direct and indirect experiences that the quarantine life has impacted. I was in a relationship before this coronavirus changed our lives drastically. Once the stay at home order started my relationship eventually changed. I let him stay with me (in hindsight, that was a bad idea)for three weeks. Honestly, I learned an infinite amount about myself into two categories, what I did well and what needs improvement. I realized within those three weeks how incompatible we were. He was happy as he got everything he wanted, but my needs not so much.

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There were red flags that kept coming up that I tried to look past. Let’s say something came up that I couldn’t ignore anymore. With the help of the quarantine, it allowed us to speed things up and notice that we weren’t right for each other. No love lost as you live and learn. The pro to this situation is that it saved me heartache later on. I discovered this information in less than two months as opposed to four/five months down the line. That sounds like a blessing to me. I’ve never lived with a man before, so that was a significant growing pain for me. I have to be with someone I’m compatible with, as it will be much easier to compromise within a relationship. When you’re with someone, you have a deep connection with compromising will come naturally. Unfortunately, my newfound relationship was short lived. I gained knowledge that now I know the changes I’m making are in the right direction. Now I need to find someone I’m more connected with, and that will be my last relationship (God willing!).

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I notice that relationships are taking a toll during this time as well. I heard my neighbors arguing across the hall the other week. I never want to be in a relationship like that. The way the woman was yelling at her boyfriend, I thought I was in trouble. Sorry not sorry, but if someone can yell at you, then it’s time to go. I always believed that if someone could yell, then they can raise their hand to you. I don’t have time for either situation, so I’m out, no, thank you. I can see why domestic violence is going up if this is the situation folks are experiencing. I know a few people who’s relationships have ended due to the quarantine. I guess their relationship couldn’t handle the proximity to each other. That’s something I don’t understand either. If you’re with someone you can’t stand, then how did the relationship occur? The new criteria to add to your dating questionnaire is, can you be quarantine with this person? If the answer is no, then keep it moving. You’re going to be spending massive amounts of time with this person, so you should want to be around them.

Stop getting into relationships with people you only spent limited amount of time getting to know. I have a few coworkers who were complaining about not being back at work. I asked them why, and the response was they couldn’t stand their spouse. Again I’m confused as to why a person would marry someone they don’t like. The quarantine life is going to show different aspects of a relationship. Either it’s stable, and this situation will only make things healthier, or the relationship will be coming apart at the seams. Of course, this time will be difficult on everyone, and it’s essential to be with someone who will help you through this event. I suffer from anxiety, and while I was still in my relationship, it took a beating. It was something about that relationship that was bothering my spirit. God has a way of telling us things if we would only listen. It took me going through that rough patch to realize it was time to move on. Better late than never as it could’ve been worst.

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Being in the home 24/7 is an emotional blow to anyone, particularly those who suffer from mental health issues. My anxiety was through the roof for the first few weeks of the stay at home order. I would have panic attacks, and I had trouble sleeping. What has been a tremendous help to me is exercising, yoga, meditation, reading, writing, virtual happy hours, and my all-time favorite therapy. There are so many other things you could be doing during this time. I’m sure there is something you want to do that you’ve been putting off. Now is the perfect time as any to focus on those goals that have been on the back burner. The bright side of this is that it will give you something else to discuss. Talking about the same thing over and over becomes tedious, especially during this time. Bringing something else to the table will break up the monotony. Let’s try something different since you don’t have anything better to do. You mind as well be more constructive with your time. I saw someone who made a dress and put braids in her hair, thanks to YouTube University. Be creative and Glow Up! By the way, that’s the title of the second part of this series.

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Don’t forget to get involved in the discussion questions below:

Has the quarantine impacted your relationships in a positive or negative light?
What steps are you taking to help keep yourself sane during this time?

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One Day Mad Rule

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I recently instituted a new rule in my life called the one-day mad rule. That means that I allow myself only one day to be upset. I have that whole day to work through whatever issues I’m having. Once I wake up the next day, it’s old news. I can no longer be upset about what happened yesterday. I have to exercise, hike, or anything to get my mind off what’s bothering me. The main objective is not to carry that anger with me through the next day. I’m telling you since I forced myself to adapt to this rule it’s been a complete game-changer. I had to get used to the idea, so it was a huge struggle at first. I’ve been following this for a month, and it increased my mood drastically. I’m in a much happier place, and most importantly I stopped getting on my nerves. Yes, that’s an authentic thing!

When you learn how to manage your emotions, it makes you a more pleasant person. People want to be around you more, and you overall give out positive vibes/energy. Plus, life is too short so what’s the point of holding onto all that negative energy? If you’re upset with someone forgive them and let it go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to allow that person to stay in your life. It just means you won’t let that person remain rent-free in your head. When you’re holding all that toxic energy, you’re the one impacted. Whoever hurt you most likely doesn’t know nor care. There’s no point in wasting precious time on things that aren’t aiding your mental health. The one-day mad rule will take getting used to, but the benefits are worthwhile.

Start small and commit yourself to make a change. Once you decide that you will make this change, it becomes easier. Also, when I see myself getting frustrated, that’s when I take a break. I go for a walk, listen to music, etc. Anything to get my mind off the anger. Putting yourself in a different mindset helps you to make decisions from a logical standpoint instead of emotions. That will keep you from having to apologize often due to hurt feelings. That’s the difference between adults and children. Adults learn when to speak, apply their emotions, and when to keep quiet. If you haven’t mastered this art it takes time and practice to perfect it. However, I committed to change my behavior. I’m going to fall short, but I’m going to keep at it until it becomes second nature. My one-day mad rule is here to stay!

What are some ways that you learned how to handle and manage your emotions?

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The Meaning of Life

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I think about it often to what the meaning of life is all about. I understand that this statement is cliche, but I still wonder about it often. There has to be more to life than work, bills, and debt. Life has to be more than getting up doing mundane things daily and not having a real purpose. The reason why I’ve been thinking about this is due to the latest episode of Pose. *Spoiler alert* One of the main characters, Candy, is murdered in a run-down motel room. The episode featured Candy coming back as a ghost and speaking to a few of the main characters. One of the things she said to Angel was to live your life and don’t have any regrets. I feel that to be free in life; you have to live it to the fullest. When you are long gone, do you want to be remembered for what you accomplished or how you enjoyed your life? You can be alive but not doing what you want will kill you long before you die physically.

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One of the things I started to do was manifest what I want and allow the universe to make things happen for me. I stated that at the beginning of this year that I would travel and go out more. I have made both of these things happen so far. I have been enjoying life and living it up! I have already experienced things that I could only dream of, and it paid off. As Will Smith said, “The other side of fear is outside of your comfort zone.” I took this saying to heart, and I’m noticing significant results. Also, I stated that this is the year that I would finally get the promotion I’ve been wanting. So far, I’ve been on four interviews and praying that this last one will be my opportunity. However, if it doesn’t happen, it won’t stop my shine. Whatever is for me won’t pass me. At the same time, you have to put yourself out there for opportunities to come your way. You can’t sit on the sidelines and wonder why what you want isn’t happening. The universe won’t grant your wishes if you don’t put in the work and put your best foot forward.

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I understand that it’s easier said than done to stop listening to the naysayers and live your life to the fullest. Of course, people will call you crazy for what you’re doing. You must realize that once you stop caring, what others say life becomes so much easier. The main person that you should be focusing on is you. Other people will feel threatened by the fact that you’re taking life by the horns and how comfortable it makes you. Most people don’t know how to deal with that as it’s not something that they experience daily. They’re too busy complaining about why things aren’t happening for them or being negative about everything in life. It’s not about why things happen, but how you react to it. Remember if at any point in your life you don’t like the story then change the narrative. You’re the author of your life, and you can change the story when necessary.

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Get out there and live more!

10 Fun Facts about Thkeya

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I thought this week it would be fun if I told everyone fun facts about myself. Sometimes it’s excellent to break up the severe topics and introduce some excitement into this blog now and then. My thought is that it would be interesting to learn more about the woman behind the blog. I put together ten fun facts about me as a way for you all to get to know me a little better. Feel free to share your comments about this post and let me know if you would like to see more post like this in the future. Next time I’ll be back with the typical topics that you have grown accustomed to but for now, enjoy the information below.

Traveling

I love to travel and experience new places around me. I’ve learned a lot about myself while traveling, particularly as it pertains to solo traveling. I learned how resilient I can and how quickly I can adapt to new surroundings. I believe this has contributed to my growth and maturity that I have displayed within the last year.

Music

I am a lover of all music, and I’m the wrong person to ask for my music on a road trip. My iPod goes from Prince to Fleetwood Mac. I’m not joking at all about that. Depending on whom I’m traveling with, I will create a playlist which will play the type of music; I know that person would enjoy. Otherwise, I would just let the iPod play on shuffle and get in the zone. People would be surprised that I am a huge Celine Dion fan. I saw her for the first time in Vegas in January. I loved every minute of it! I’m looking forward to seeing her again as she puts on a good show. If you have doubts about seeing her do it. You won’t regret seeing her at all. Also, the latest artist that I am obsessed with is St. Vincent. I was fascinated with her performance at the Grammy’s earlier this year. I listened to her most recent album as well as her back catalog. I’m ready for new music from her.

Horror Conventions

Many people are shocked to learn about my interest in horror movies. I have been a horror fan for as long as I could remember. Two of my favorite childhood movies are The Witches and Hocus Pocus. That is where my interest in horror and fantasy truly started to take form. Then, of course, I discovered Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Many of the jokes in her first film went over my head as I was very young when I first saw it. I am a massive fan of hers even to this day. I first went to see Elvira last year at my first horror convention. Not sure why I haven’t been to them in the past, but I’m head over heels now. I’m addicted to them, and I can’t wait to attend more. I have been to 4 so far, and I’m going to visit my 5^th horror convention in 8 days. The best part about it is that I will have a professional photo op with Elvira in full costume. I am beyond excited as Cassandra Peterson (Elvira) doesn’t dress up as Elvira often anymore. It is on rare occasions, and I’m not going to miss out on this opportunity.

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My favorite color is purple

Purple has been my favorite color all my life. I associate this color with royalty and being queen like. When I’m down and not feeling the best, I look at the color purple and remember to fix my crown. There are so much strength and power associated with the color purple that it makes me love it even more.

Reading/Writer

I am an avid reader, and I enjoy reading new things. Reading gives way to imagination and creativity that I otherwise would’ve given a second thought. Reading has helped me to become a better writer by learning how to engage your audience and how to structure a story in the most effective ways. Some people, even family, would be surprised to learn this next fun fact. I wrote a screenplay back when I was 11 years old. I vaguely remember what the story line contained. However, I can tell you it was horror related. I honestly have no idea why I didn’t study screenwriting in college. I guess I allowed the world to take away my creativity. Don’t ever let anyone do this to you. It is better to live a world of wonder that one of sorrow.

Hopeless Romantic

I think everyone can pick up on this one based off reading my blog posts. I have a strong belief in love, and I’m not giving up on it. Even though it doesn’t seem to love me, especially not as of late, but I know it’s coming my way. Sometimes we go through things to better prepare ourselves for when the right person comes along. Also, if you don’t learn something, the universe will have you deal with it over and over until you do. It is crucial to keep an open mind when it comes to love.

Halloween is my favorite holiday

That is 2^nd to my birthday, of course, but I am a massive fan of Halloween. It’s so much fun because I get to dress up as whomever I want and have the most excitement with it. There is so much variety when it comes to Halloween. You can dress up flirty or become a scholar. There is no shortage of costumes that you can wear during Halloween. Going to parties, haunted houses, and going to theme parks to celebrate Halloween is all apart of the fun. It’s the most fun you can have in one night, and I’m here for it.

Seafood Lover

Some people would be surprised to learn that I am not a meat eater. The most that I would eat would be chicken and turkey. Having a burger on the grill is the best, so I would partake on that. You want to make me the happiest girl on Earth, find me a seafood spot and I’ll love you forever. I remember the 1^st time I went to Ocean City, Maryland (which is a seafood lover’s dream), and the abundance of seafood everywhere was a cultural shock. I seriously had seafood withdrawals when I get back home. I had so much seafood, and all of it was fresh from that morning. If you are a seafood lover as well, you have to check out that place if you never been. You’ll thank me later trust me.

Born and raised in Newark, New Jersey

I believe it’s important for people to know where you came from as it doesn’t determine how you will end up. People make the assumption that based on your zip code that will dictate where you will end up in life. Where you are from makes you who you are, and those lessons carry you through adulthood.

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Learning instruments/ new languages

Not sure why, as a child, I never mastered an instrument. I have joy from music that I honestly can’t describe. However, it’s never too late to learn something new. Learning the piano and guitar are two instruments that I have an interest in learning to play. You never know I could become the next musical genius! Learning a different language would be cool as well. There are three languages that I want to learn. They are Spanish, French, and Italian. Also, it would be nice to speak a different language in front of other people, and they have no idea what I’m saying. It would be my little secret unless someone knows the language. Anyway, I think it would be a fun thing to learn as you never stop learning in life.

Those are my fun facts. I hope this was interesting and exciting for you to learn more about me. Enjoy your week, and I’ll chat with you next time!

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The Blogger Recognition Award

I have received a nomination for The Blogger Recognition Award. I am incredibly grateful for this nomination, and I am happy that my writing resonates with people out there. I want to thank Pamela at https://rollinwiththerollins.net/ for this nomination. Pamela’s blog is about spreading love, light, and positivity into the world. Be sure to check out her blog as I know you will enjoy it as much as I have.

My Journey

I started my blog due to my severe issues with depression at the time. I recently started therapy again, and I was a bit embarrassed that I had allowed myself to get back to this point. Discussing mental health is always a touchy topic to bring up. I kept hearing and seeing stories about other people who were dealing with similar issues. I wanted others to know that they weren’t alone and there’s nothing wrong with seeking help. Then I decided to discuss further on how to improve all relationships in one’s life including family, friends, romantic and the most important one with yourself. The best way to develop these relationships is through self-love which is the route of true happiness. I want everyone to live their best life now!

My Advice

Plan out your content as early and often as possible. The purpose of this is to ensure that you keep your blog up to date with the latest content. Once you are building your blog, you want to ensure that your readers have the most recent information to read. You don’t want to have too many gaps between your posts. That will interfere with the following you’re trying to build for your blog. Consistency is critical to continue your growth and to make your brand.

Be sure to network as much as possible to grow your blog. The #writingcommunity on Twitter is a great place to start with building your network. Having a secure system can have your blog grow, and these are people who can be mentors to you. It can be a lonely world out here in the blogosphere so having strong support is very helpful. Also, work on becoming a guest contributor on another blog. That will help to increase your exposure to more groups of people as well.

The Rules:

Once you receive a nomination, there are rules for the Blogger Recognition Award: