Quarantine Life Part 3: Embracing Change

woman-holding-sign-3951615

I understand that people need things to return to normal. Keep in mind our previous way of life wasn’t all that glamorous. We worked long hours, hardly spent time with family, gave away our dreams, and for some trying to keep up with the Joneses. This quarantine time has been very reflective for me, reflecting on my life pre-COVID to now. I don’t want things to go back to how they were. Yes, I’m looking forward to getting back outside, but I want things to be different. In the coming paragraphs, I’m going to discuss why change after the COVID pandemic is a good thing and what I expect to change. With the current reset, we’ve now is the perfect time to examine our lives to see what changes we can make for the better. 

Family Time

I’m close to my family, but if I’m honest, we could be spending more time together. I can’t remember the last time I’ve spoken to my family this much. We’ve been reaching out more via phone calls and video chats. We even made plans to do more traveling and spend more time together very soon. This ordeal made us realize now more than ever the importance of family. Having loved ones who genuinely care for you is so amazing. You have to embrace and cherish those moments. Anytime that we get to spend together is a blessing that we mustn’t take for granted. Life is fleeting, and this quarantine is proving that every day. Live in the moment for as long as you can and let go of unnecessary baggage. Move forward in love is the best option and provides a more fulfilling life. 

man-in-white-dress-shirt-sitting-beside-woman-in-orange-4262411

Work/Life Balance

Before COVID, I was working a lot. Not as much as I’ve been in the past but enough to interfere with my life. Cue in traveling, which helped to break up the tedious daily routine. I would have fun while enjoying a break from work. Now during this quarantine, I’ve had time to reflect on the things that matter in this world. Honestly, work is not as important as your life. Anyone working until oblivion makes no sense, especially since these companies will replace you in a heartbeat. Supporting yourself and your family is critical, but there needs to be a balance. Take those vacations, sick, and personal days. Work will be there once you return. Burning yourself out will only cause resentment, depression, and anger into your life. You don’t want to look back on what you should’ve done. There are no do-overs in life, so it’s best to live it to the fullest. 

photo-of-woman-typing-on-laptop-4112289

Dream Chaser

I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I could remember. Unfortunately, I didn’t follow my heart as I believed that I could never make a living doing what I loved. Instead, I took up a more practical skill to make an honest living. The projections that others put on you is more of a reflection of themselves than you. I wish I would’ve listened and followed my gut instinct years ago. My regret as far as writing goes is that I should’ve started sooner. Anyway, it’s better late than never. I’m telling you that narrative as an example to chase your dreams. Sure, people will think you’re out of your mind, but so what? Do you want to look back on your life and wish, or do you want to live for you now? That’s your only option as you can’t go after your dreams and please people. If people are going to be mad, at least be winning at your goals. During this quarantine, you see how quickly things can change in a matter of minutes. Chase your dreams with the highest amount of urgency and give people something to discuss. 

dreamcatcher-near-plants-1322124

Love Unapologetically

One thing that saddens me during this time is the lack of empathy for others. I hear people say I don’t know anyone impacted, so the virus isn’t that serious. That is beyond disrespectful to the men and women who risk their lives daily as essential employees. I know four people who suffered from COVID, and one person still battling it. I never thought I would live in a world where this would be the norm. As a human being, you need to show compassion to others. You are blessed not to know anyone personally, but don’t be miserable about it to others. Also, let’s please learn to celebrate someone else’s successes. The number of negative responses I see regarding someone saying they purchased a new home, a new promotion, etc. is unwarranted. Have some of you lost your humanity? That’s why things aren’t going right for you because you can’t be happy for others. When someone is in their winning season, cheer them on. I’m sure you want the same thing when it’s your turn. Learn to be happy for others and watch how you become blessed—being mean spirited blocks your happiness every time. Don’t be afraid to give and spread love. Love is something that we all can’t get enough of, and it’s best when shared among many people. 

beach-coast-island-landscape-348520

That concludes the last part of my quarantine life series. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I had fun writing it. I understand how easy it is to look at this from a negative vantage point. My intention with creating this series was to show the positive aspects during the quarantine life. This reset button, as I like to call it, allows us to reevaluate our lives for the better. I understand the difficulties many are facing, and I pray that things turn around very soon. I hope that this series gave you some solace of better days ahead. If I learned anything, it’s that perception is everything. If I perceive it isn’t good, then it is. However, if I believe things are lovely, then they are. As the old saying goes, perception is reality. It’s up to you which reality you want to represent you. 

Don’t forget to check out the discussion question before you go, and I’ll see you next time!

What do you want to change or stay the same after quarantine? Why or why not? 

Paralyzed

I write poetry as well, and I wanted to share with you a poem that I composed. Periodically I will share my poems on this blog while staying true to the relationship-centric view of my page. The poem that I am going to share today is entitled, “Paralyzed.” This poem is about domestic violence occurring within a relationship. I hope that this poem will resonate with someone and give them the courage to walk away from the situation before it’s too late. Also, please share this poem with anyone who may need to read its contents.

 

Paralyzed

 

Too Close to Home

I was on a high from attending my first Monster Mania Con that I just knew this past week would go well. As I got further into the week, things became more and more hectic. Unfortunately, for me, I can’t seem to have good things happen without something terrible happening right after. It seems to be the Universe way of saying since you are happy at the moment I will ruin it. I told myself this year I would remove drama from all aspects of my life. I will not allow myself to be involved in anything that doesn’t bring pure joy to me. Life is too short and being around negativity is not worth the wasted effort. Who wants to be around drama and misery all the time?  I know for sure I don’t want that to be apart of my life. I’m going off on a tangent so let me get back to the point of this post. I thought I got rid of this particular ex in my life, but every time I turn around he keeps reaching out. If it’s not one thing, it’s other. It’s starting to come across as if he is obsessed with the thought of us getting back together. I seriously just want to be left alone and move on with my life. Drama just follows and consumes him, so I need to remove myself from the situation to have inner peace.

The best advice that I can give anyone in my situation is never to eat where you lay. Which means don’t date someone that is too close to your current residence. Trust me you are asking for trouble if the relationship doesn’t work out. You are in a constant state of should I move or should I not move. Of course, this will only be an issue if the person you are dealing with doesn’t know how to keep their distance. Honestly, don’t even take the chance as the flip side could have dire consequences. It’s challenging to try to move on when you have the constant reminder of your last relationship nearby. Plus once you begin a new relationship, your ex will be there to witness your budding romance. Who wants to deal with that once you are trying to start something new? Sometimes the best course of action is to move away and start a new life elsewhere. This way you can avoid all of the potential drama and be able to move on stress-free. I wish I would’ve done this earlier as it would have helped me to avoid the issues that occurred this past week.

My advice is to avoid a situation like this at all cost. It may sound like a great idea at first because you can see that person more and plan outings more often. However, the cons outweigh the pros in this type of situation.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, you may start to wonder about your safety. You will begin to wonder if this person is mentally unstable and will they turn out to be a stalker. It’s a lot easier to avoid someone when they don’t live nearby. You may feel the constant fear of being watched or followed by your ex. You will try your best to watch out for yourself and to make sure you aren’t in harm’s way. Unfortunately, your ex- boyfriend/girlfriend lives in the same area so that person has a right to be there as well. The only way to make yourself feel comfortable is to move to another location. That may sound drastic but if that is what the situation calls for then so be it. I hope the examples I gave drives home the point of avoiding this situation altogether. Trust me you will thank me later if you do. Have you been in this situation before? How did it work out for you? Drop some comments below and let me know your thoughts.

Until next time,

Thkeya Life Inspiration New Logo

Being Present in Dating

I always felt as if I put my career before my love life. Not on purpose but this took up space in my life when other things were missing. Then at one point, I was pursuing my Master’s degree while working full time. I tried my best to date, but I didn’t have much time to dedicate to developing a relationship. Instead, I turned to dating emotionally unavailable men as a short time solution to having companionship. Of course, this is not to say this was the best option but this is all I could commit to at the time. Now I’m starting to notice that despite the change in job title my dating life stayed the same. I am currently in a better position to date. However, I am still running into emotionally unavailable men. I am upset that this keeps occurring as I’m ready for a more meaningful relationship. For the first time, I am looking at myself to examine this issue. The only thing that these men have in common is me, and I have to look at myself to figure out what I’m exuding to the world. I don’t like the current picture, so I have to change the channel so to speak.

I have to change my current behavior if I want to experience better results. For example, due to my work schedule from a few years ago to just a month ago, I was only able to dedicate about two days a week to a relationship. To develop the type of relationship I want more time is needed to care and nurture it. In the past, due to work obligations, I wasn’t able to accomplish more than this. However, this is no longer the case and my attitude towards being present needs to be updated. I’m currently struggling to be more available and open to letting someone in my life. All this time I thought I was open when it was a façade that was coming across. You can’t just say the words, “I’m available” but you have to be open and willing to let love into your space. Nobody wants to feel as if they are wasting time while dating you. If you are unable to make the time, then you can’t expect someone to stick around waiting for you.

My ultimate goal is to not only have a lasting relationship but a deep one as well. I’m looking forward to the day of sharing my life with my husband and children. Before I get to that aspiration of mine, I must realize I am my own biggest obstacle. I have to be more open and ready for love to come my way. Due to past hurt, this has been challenging, but since real love is what I’m looking for, I have to put those fears to the side. I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me from love. If you are the opposite of the type of mate you are seeking, then you will stay in a constant cycle of confusion. Be ready, open, and willing to let that special someone in your life. You never know what may happen and the person of your dreams will be prepared to love when you are. Hurry up you don’t want to keep them waiting any longer.

Until next time,

keya's life-001

 

Overcoming Heartbreak

This past weekend was a whirlwind of emotions. I found out that an ex-boyfriend from a few years ago was cheating on me with his best friend. I was inclined to believe that something was going on between them, but I never had any proof to validate my feelings. Not only did I discover that he had a relationship with her, but I was the other woman the whole time. Isn’t that a strange revelation to have to understand? I have moved on from this relationship I can assure you, however, to learn this information started to put a lot of things into perspective for me. It helped me to understand better how things played out the last few months of our relationship. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me and that I did something inaccurate to cause our breakup. The truth of the matter is that I wasn’t who he wanted to be with romantically. There was another woman in his life that I could never compete against because his heart belonged elsewhere. I honestly felt like why even bother to date me if you knew this already. It was at this moment that I realized I made the right decision to end that relationship. At the time I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice, but God always has a way of bringing information to the forefront. All I have to say at this point is thank God things ended when it did. I believe that the conclusion of this relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am in a much better place, and I have that relationship to thank for it.

I learned to never settle for something just because you are lonely and think you will never find anyone. Please never do this ever in your life. One of the worst mistakes you could ever make is by staying with someone for these reasons. Realize that as lonely as being single maybe being with the wrong person could feel much worse. Don’t waste the best years of your life on someone who doesn’t deserve your pretty as it’s entirely not worse the hassle. If you are in a vulnerable state, it is even more imperative that you stay clear of entertaining any relationship. Until you work through your issues, you won’t be of good use to anyone. It is not fair to ask someone to deal with your past issues from another relationship. Yes, that person can help you work through those problems, but they can’t help you fix them. That is your job and do yourself a favor and work on that before getting into a relationship. Jumping from relationship to relationship is unacceptable as you need time to heal from one situation before moving on to another one. Being a healthy and happy person entering into a new relationship is the best way to be.

Another valuable lesson I learned during the ending of that relationship is never to ignore the glaring red flags that are in front of you. Sometimes we want something to work out so much that we discredit the signs that are in front of us. There are no benefits to overlooking this information as it will only hurt you in the end. Please follow your gut instinct as it will not steer you in the wrong direction. If you get an atrocious feeling about something, there is a reason for that. The idea is that you need to step away from the situation as it is unhealthy and damaging for you. I’m speaking from experience as I didn’t follow any of the red flags and I ended up staying in a relationship I should’ve. This relationship caused me a lot of unnecessary heartaches. I should’ve followed my instincts once I felt that things were taking a turn for the worse. Yes, I realized things eventually, and the relationship ran its course. However, if I would’ve listened earlier, then I wouldn’t have wasted a year of my life with this person. The cookie crumbles this way as they say and I became a better person on the other side. I am in a much happier place in my life, and I owe it to that failed relationship that not only helped me restore my faith but forced me to love me again as well.

I’m a much stronger person now than I was a few years ago. I’m ashamed to admit the things that I allowed to occur in the past. You live, and you learn and let me tell you I learned a whole lot. I will never allow anyone to bring me down as I have done in the past. I know what I want and what I won’t  tolerate from any relationship regardless if it’s romantic or friendship. I know my worth now, and you should know your worth as well. Don’t settle for less and never let anyone make you feel inferior to build themselves back up. If you see that you are leaning too much on one person, then you should realize that you are becoming codependent on that individual. That is absolutely the wrong way to go. Once you do this, you are giving someone too much control over your life. Being single does have its periods of loneliness, but nothing is more lonely than being in a relationship with the wrong person. Embrace your single season and work on becoming a better you while you are rolling solo. This way once the right person comes along you will be ready for them to be apart of your life.

Until next time,

keya's life-001