The Price of Motherhood

During this past week, Cardi B announced her pregnancy with her first child. Congratulations to her as babies are an incredible blessing. The comments that I kept seeing online were appalling to me. Many people were saying that it’s too early in her career to have a child and others were saying that her career will fail once she gives birth. These comments sadden me as comments such as these are never told to men when they become fathers. A man’s career, as well as his life, isn’t impacted at all when becoming a father. In fact, children are not only seen as a blessing but as a way for a man to mature as well. I believe the way that society views men are the reason why their lives don’t change when they become fathers. A man is supposed to be a provider, and if that role is lacking, then he is seen as a deadbeat. Whereas if women have a career and aren’t home, she is looked down upon as an awful mother. Therefore, this way of thinking reinforces the view that women should be in the house with the children. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. However, women shouldn’t be made to feel that still pursuing a career after a baby is wrong to continue.

Due to societal woes and what family may say many women will put their family plans on hold for their careers. I am one of those women as I keep waiting for a perfect time to start a family. I want to make sure that I won’t be an absentee parent. Another major factor is the financial aspect as it is very costly to raise a family. Then you want to be in a two-parent household as it’s essential to raise a child with both parents. The list goes on with how many reasons I could come up with for the waiting game to continue. Of course, waiting too long comes with its own set of challenges, but that’s another post for another day. My main point here is that women feel the need to compartmentalize their entire lives before starting the family. There are no issues with that, but one must recognize that life doesn’t fit neatly in a little box. One must be flexible as life takes on many shapes and sizes. You have to be able to roll with the punches and have faith that everything will work out. If things don’t work out as planned, you will figure out what needs to occur to get you back on track.

What I learned from this Cardi B situation is that there is no right time to do anything. Honestly, if you are waiting for a proper time, you will be waiting forever. Yes, there may be an ideal time to do something, but the way life goes who knows when that will happen. If you are ready to start having your family, then go for it. Others may feel that you are making the wrong decision, but it’s yours to make. Also, don’t believe that you have to give up your hopes and dreams just because you are a mother. Children are a blessing and not a burden. Children can be a great motivator and will energize a woman to work even harder to support her family. Salute to all the women out there who are working hard to take care of their children while still pursuing their dreams. I am proud of you and continue to shine on all these haters out there. Your motherhood is a strength and not a weakness. View motherhood as another form of representation of you but not all that you can do.

Until next time,

Thkeya Life (1)

Paralyzed

I write poetry as well, and I wanted to share with you a poem that I composed. Periodically I will share my poems on this blog while staying true to the relationship-centric view of my page. The poem that I am going to share today is entitled, “Paralyzed.” This poem is about domestic violence occurring within a relationship. I hope that this poem will resonate with someone and give them the courage to walk away from the situation before it’s too late. Also, please share this poem with anyone who may need to read its contents.

 

Paralyzed

 

Too Close to Home

I was on a high from attending my first Monster Mania Con that I just knew this past week would go well. As I got further into the week, things became more and more hectic. Unfortunately, for me, I can’t seem to have good things happen without something terrible happening right after. It seems to be the Universe way of saying since you are happy at the moment I will ruin it. I told myself this year I would remove drama from all aspects of my life. I will not allow myself to be involved in anything that doesn’t bring pure joy to me. Life is too short and being around negativity is not worth the wasted effort. Who wants to be around drama and misery all the time?  I know for sure I don’t want that to be apart of my life. I’m going off on a tangent so let me get back to the point of this post. I thought I got rid of this particular ex in my life, but every time I turn around he keeps reaching out. If it’s not one thing, it’s other. It’s starting to come across as if he is obsessed with the thought of us getting back together. I seriously just want to be left alone and move on with my life. Drama just follows and consumes him, so I need to remove myself from the situation to have inner peace.

The best advice that I can give anyone in my situation is never to eat where you lay. Which means don’t date someone that is too close to your current residence. Trust me you are asking for trouble if the relationship doesn’t work out. You are in a constant state of should I move or should I not move. Of course, this will only be an issue if the person you are dealing with doesn’t know how to keep their distance. Honestly, don’t even take the chance as the flip side could have dire consequences. It’s challenging to try to move on when you have the constant reminder of your last relationship nearby. Plus once you begin a new relationship, your ex will be there to witness your budding romance. Who wants to deal with that once you are trying to start something new? Sometimes the best course of action is to move away and start a new life elsewhere. This way you can avoid all of the potential drama and be able to move on stress-free. I wish I would’ve done this earlier as it would have helped me to avoid the issues that occurred this past week.

My advice is to avoid a situation like this at all cost. It may sound like a great idea at first because you can see that person more and plan outings more often. However, the cons outweigh the pros in this type of situation.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, you may start to wonder about your safety. You will begin to wonder if this person is mentally unstable and will they turn out to be a stalker. It’s a lot easier to avoid someone when they don’t live nearby. You may feel the constant fear of being watched or followed by your ex. You will try your best to watch out for yourself and to make sure you aren’t in harm’s way. Unfortunately, your ex- boyfriend/girlfriend lives in the same area so that person has a right to be there as well. The only way to make yourself feel comfortable is to move to another location. That may sound drastic but if that is what the situation calls for then so be it. I hope the examples I gave drives home the point of avoiding this situation altogether. Trust me you will thank me later if you do. Have you been in this situation before? How did it work out for you? Drop some comments below and let me know your thoughts.

Until next time,

Thkeya Life Inspiration New Logo

Being Present in Dating

I always felt as if I put my career before my love life. Not on purpose but this took up space in my life when other things were missing. Then at one point, I was pursuing my Master’s degree while working full time. I tried my best to date, but I didn’t have much time to dedicate to developing a relationship. Instead, I turned to dating emotionally unavailable men as a short time solution to having companionship. Of course, this is not to say this was the best option but this is all I could commit to at the time. Now I’m starting to notice that despite the change in job title my dating life stayed the same. I am currently in a better position to date. However, I am still running into emotionally unavailable men. I am upset that this keeps occurring as I’m ready for a more meaningful relationship. For the first time, I am looking at myself to examine this issue. The only thing that these men have in common is me, and I have to look at myself to figure out what I’m exuding to the world. I don’t like the current picture, so I have to change the channel so to speak.

I have to change my current behavior if I want to experience better results. For example, due to my work schedule from a few years ago to just a month ago, I was only able to dedicate about two days a week to a relationship. To develop the type of relationship I want more time is needed to care and nurture it. In the past, due to work obligations, I wasn’t able to accomplish more than this. However, this is no longer the case and my attitude towards being present needs to be updated. I’m currently struggling to be more available and open to letting someone in my life. All this time I thought I was open when it was a façade that was coming across. You can’t just say the words, “I’m available” but you have to be open and willing to let love into your space. Nobody wants to feel as if they are wasting time while dating you. If you are unable to make the time, then you can’t expect someone to stick around waiting for you.

My ultimate goal is to not only have a lasting relationship but a deep one as well. I’m looking forward to the day of sharing my life with my husband and children. Before I get to that aspiration of mine, I must realize I am my own biggest obstacle. I have to be more open and ready for love to come my way. Due to past hurt, this has been challenging, but since real love is what I’m looking for, I have to put those fears to the side. I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me from love. If you are the opposite of the type of mate you are seeking, then you will stay in a constant cycle of confusion. Be ready, open, and willing to let that special someone in your life. You never know what may happen and the person of your dreams will be prepared to love when you are. Hurry up you don’t want to keep them waiting any longer.

Until next time,

keya's life-001

 

Overcoming Heartbreak

This past weekend was a whirlwind of emotions. I found out that an ex-boyfriend from a few years ago was cheating on me with his best friend. I was inclined to believe that something was going on between them, but I never had any proof to validate my feelings. Not only did I discover that he had a relationship with her, but I was the other woman the whole time. Isn’t that a strange revelation to have to understand? I have moved on from this relationship I can assure you, however, to learn this information started to put a lot of things into perspective for me. It helped me to understand better how things played out the last few months of our relationship. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me and that I did something inaccurate to cause our breakup. The truth of the matter is that I wasn’t who he wanted to be with romantically. There was another woman in his life that I could never compete against because his heart belonged elsewhere. I honestly felt like why even bother to date me if you knew this already. It was at this moment that I realized I made the right decision to end that relationship. At the time I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice, but God always has a way of bringing information to the forefront. All I have to say at this point is thank God things ended when it did. I believe that the conclusion of this relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am in a much better place, and I have that relationship to thank for it.

I learned to never settle for something just because you are lonely and think you will never find anyone. Please never do this ever in your life. One of the worst mistakes you could ever make is by staying with someone for these reasons. Realize that as lonely as being single maybe being with the wrong person could feel much worse. Don’t waste the best years of your life on someone who doesn’t deserve your pretty as it’s entirely not worse the hassle. If you are in a vulnerable state, it is even more imperative that you stay clear of entertaining any relationship. Until you work through your issues, you won’t be of good use to anyone. It is not fair to ask someone to deal with your past issues from another relationship. Yes, that person can help you work through those problems, but they can’t help you fix them. That is your job and do yourself a favor and work on that before getting into a relationship. Jumping from relationship to relationship is unacceptable as you need time to heal from one situation before moving on to another one. Being a healthy and happy person entering into a new relationship is the best way to be.

Another valuable lesson I learned during the ending of that relationship is never to ignore the glaring red flags that are in front of you. Sometimes we want something to work out so much that we discredit the signs that are in front of us. There are no benefits to overlooking this information as it will only hurt you in the end. Please follow your gut instinct as it will not steer you in the wrong direction. If you get an atrocious feeling about something, there is a reason for that. The idea is that you need to step away from the situation as it is unhealthy and damaging for you. I’m speaking from experience as I didn’t follow any of the red flags and I ended up staying in a relationship I should’ve. This relationship caused me a lot of unnecessary heartaches. I should’ve followed my instincts once I felt that things were taking a turn for the worse. Yes, I realized things eventually, and the relationship ran its course. However, if I would’ve listened earlier, then I wouldn’t have wasted a year of my life with this person. The cookie crumbles this way as they say and I became a better person on the other side. I am in a much happier place in my life, and I owe it to that failed relationship that not only helped me restore my faith but forced me to love me again as well.

I’m a much stronger person now than I was a few years ago. I’m ashamed to admit the things that I allowed to occur in the past. You live, and you learn and let me tell you I learned a whole lot. I will never allow anyone to bring me down as I have done in the past. I know what I want and what I won’t  tolerate from any relationship regardless if it’s romantic or friendship. I know my worth now, and you should know your worth as well. Don’t settle for less and never let anyone make you feel inferior to build themselves back up. If you see that you are leaning too much on one person, then you should realize that you are becoming codependent on that individual. That is absolutely the wrong way to go. Once you do this, you are giving someone too much control over your life. Being single does have its periods of loneliness, but nothing is more lonely than being in a relationship with the wrong person. Embrace your single season and work on becoming a better you while you are rolling solo. This way once the right person comes along you will be ready for them to be apart of your life.

Until next time,

keya's life-001

Haters Disguise as Friends

People who claim to be your friend but who are really jealous of you behind the screen.

It is true that as you age your friendships will begin to evolve. Some people that you were once close to may not even be your friends in a few years. Then other people who were mere acquittances may become close like family. I remember hearing this would occur when I was younger by many relatives, and it wasn’t until recently that I realized how true this statement is. An old friend of mine recently accused me of changing into a new person. The thought of her accusation is baffling to me as I believe that becoming a better person is a beautiful thing.  Anyway, she reminded me of how in the past I was ill-tempered and easily angered. I acted this way because people viewed me as a bit of a push-over. You shouldn’t allow yourself to be a push-over, but there are better ways to handle yourself in stressful situations. I haven’t always dealt with issues in the most favorable light. I knew I needed to change this about myself and I worked on it. I thought my old friend would be happy to see my growth and be proud of the woman I became. Instead, the reaction that I received was that I became a counterfeit of my former self. At that moment I knew that my friendship with her had run its course. There is no way I could continue on my current journey with her still in my life. We have become two different people, and our current paths no longer intersect.

Every day you should be growing and learning continuously. The people in your life should hopefully, be doing the same thing. Don’t tolerate your friends’ judgments if they feel as if you are growing and leaving them behind. At that moment realize that these people are only in your life for a season. Once their season is up, please let them go! You will hurt yourself trying to keep people in your life who no longer should be there. Being the same person you were years ago sounds like a miserable existence. I understand being comfortable, but at some point, you need to elevate yourself. Of course, growing should be done gradually to ensure that not only can you keep your momentum going, but your development will continue. Telling someone that they changed and it was for the better is such an asinine statement, and people like that don’t deserve to be apart of your “Glow-Up.”

Another issue I experienced with this same “friend” is passive aggressiveness. I don’t have any problems with speaking my mind. I would dare to say that my openness has gotten me into trouble in the past. That was something that I knew I had to work on and I made a conscious effort to think before I speak. It hasn’t always worked out flawlessly. However, I am a work in progress. Please excuse the sidebar and let me get back to the point I was making. If you have a dispute with what a friend did or said then, please speak up about it. Don’t pretend to have moved on from the situation if all you will do is turn petty later on. Here are some examples of being petty, backhanded comments, doing a favor but complaining the whole time and my all time favorite getting upset when someone can’t drop their whole life for you.

The last example of pettiness I just experienced recently by this same “friend.” I was planning on a special Valentine’s Day with that special guy in my life. I wasn’t sure at the time which weekend he wanted to celebrate since the holiday falls on a weekday this year. I stated to her let me get back to you, and once I find out, I’ll let you know if I could attend your event. She was very dismissive of me and stated nevermind forget I even asked. This type of behavior is entirely unacceptable for an adult to act and the passive aggressiveness is beyond ridiculous. If you ever find yourself behaving like this just speak to the person that is causing you heartache. If that person genuinely cares about you, then both of you should be able to work through the situation like adults.

If you have friends in your life that get upset every time you try to express yourself, then you need to get new friends. Real friends will not dismiss your feelings, and they will make an effort in correcting the behavior. When people care about you, the last thing they want is for you to feel any hurt or pain. Please let me reiterate if you are currently dealing with people like this in your life let these people go. These type of people will do nothing but bring you down and then accuse you of being the negative person. Get rid of these toxic people in your life, and you’ll thank me later.

Until next time,

keya's life-001

Living Your Purpose

Have you ever woken up and knew you weren’t being fulfilled in your life? There was something that you felt you should be doing; yet you have no idea what that is. I’ve had this feeling a lot lately. I feel like I’m alive, but I’m not living. I’m just going through the motions of life, but I feel like something is continuously missing from it. I finally came to the revelation of what this empty feeling is associated with. I’m not really happy with the current state of my career. I enjoy what I do for a living, but I’m not passionate about it.  My true passion comes from being a writer. Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a writer.

Unfortunately, I was always worried if I would be able to make a decent living to support myself.  I want to get to that place in my life where I love and enjoy all aspects of it. I don’t want to be stagnant in one place but explore as much as possible.  No more excuses I’m claiming it this year that I will begin to make more strides in reaching my goals. This year I am speaking it into existence that I will write that book, move into that new apartment, grow my blog, fall in love, travel more, and be more spontaneous. There is no time like the present to get out there and enjoy your life. The hardest part of accomplishing your goals is getting started. What are you waiting for? Get started already!!!

Second Chances?

I recently found myself at a crossroads this week when it comes to second chances. What does it mean and how do you decide when it should be given? There are people who hurt you in the past and may believe that they have changed. However, in order for you to truly give a second chance then changes must be made. That other person has a responsibility to show you that they have truly seen the error of their ways and that improvements have occurred. Only then can a true second chance be given to that person.

You’re most likely saying to yourself all of that is great, but how do you know if a true change has really occurred? My answer to you would be that I can’t answer that question for you. This will be something that you will receive a gut instinct about. Trust your intuition and if you get a feeling that something is not right please listen to that. Only you will know ultimately what is best for you and that includes who you allow in your life. If the vibe is off that is your intuition telling you that this person is not genuine and to remove them completely out of your life.

I understand that this is a difficult thing to do as we have been programmed to be nice to everyone we come in contact with. I’m not trying to tell you to change that however, we all need to become more cautious of the people we have around us. Not everyone who comes into your life means you well. That person could have plans for you and not of the variety that you may prefer. Also, just because someone is a nice person doesn’t mean that person can’t hurt you. A hurt person will always hurt people around them. That saying is so true and it doesn’t matter if you are nice or not. Keep the people who are meant to be in your life and get rid of the ones who shouldn’t be there.

Be wary of giving out second chances to people. There are some people who deserve it and there are others who don’t. Be protective of your heart and don’t allow a pretty face/smile to make you forget all the hurt and pain that was caused. A person should discuss what they corrected/accomplished and not just what needs to change. That person is only telling you what he/she wants you to hear and will continue to pull at your heartstrings if you let them. Your heart, soul, and energy deserve the very best. Therefore, please don’t be as generous with your time as some people just want to deplete you of all your energy. Remeber just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they are meant to be in your life.

 

First blog post

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

Welcome to my very first blog post! My intention with creating this blog is to be able to write out my thoughts and share them with others. There maybe something that I write that may have a profound impact (I hope) or just help you with your day somehow. I would like to learn from you as well. Please don’t be afraid to leave comments on each post or send me a private message. I would very much like to hear from you.

Fortunately, life doesn’t come with a set of rules that one must follow in order to live it the best way. The thing is that is all relative to the individual as each person will view things in their own way. What about the people who are afraid to go after their dreams and continuously live their lives for other people? For those people you are the reason why I started this blog. I started this blog for you, because I’m just like you. As a matter of fact I am YOU.

Instead of living for others, let’s do what we want and stop being so apologetic about it. Life is very short and we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth. With that being said let’s live life the way we want and on our terms. Don’t worry if others don’t agree with what you want to do, because they are jealous that you have the guts to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. Having the courage to speak up for yourself can be scary, but the alternative let’s face it is a very miserable existence.

The picture for this post speaks specifically to what I hope that everyone whom visits this page leaves with. It’s okay to tear down something and start over. Life is not about how many times you fall down, but how many times do you get back up. You are the artist of you life and you have the power to change the picture at anytime. Don’t allow others to dictate to you what the canvas of your life should look like. You are constantly creating your vision and only you can say how/when it is completed.