Before the start of
the New Year, I see the same old
rhetoric. I’m getting rid of the poisonous
people in my life before the New Year. I don’t want to go into the New Year
with the previous year’s drama. The thing I find most interesting is the need
to do this every year. Do you have that many toxic people in your life? Is it necessary to remove these people regularly? This predicament
got me to thinking about a few things. Are these people toxic or is the poisonous person you? Think about it for a few
minutes. How many times did people leave your life and the first response is
that person was toxic anyway. After a while,
you need to start looking at the person in the mirror. Maybe you are having so
many issues because you are the toxic
person you are trying to remove. Self-reflection
is a hard thing to do, and sometimes it’s
difficult to admit destructive behavior
within ourselves. Acknowledging that you
might be toxic is scary at first. However, the reward for fixing yourself is very fulfilling.
It can be hard to admit, but
each of us has toxic behavior. Even I
have to correct the harmful habits that I
have. There is nothing wrong with accepting
you have an issue. The problem is never altering
your behavior. I understand that looking inside
yourself could be a mortifying
experience, but you can’t think that
everyone around you is the toxic one. If you find that you are always losing
friends and people are habitually walking out your life then maybe you are the
problem. You are the company that you keep. If you have to get rid of people
often, it’s time to reevaluate your discernment for picking friends. You have chosen these folks to be in your life. Why
would you select toxic people in the
first place? Once you see that someone is displaying bad behavior, it is up to you to say something. Waiting
until the New Year to remove someone from your life is problematic. It took the
New Year for you to notice this behavior.
Why wasn’t this person gone months ago? We are responsible for the folks we
allow to stay in our lives. At some point we have to say to ourselves I wanted
this to happen.
Again, think about it for a few more minutes. You like
something about this person to keep them around. They are only as toxic to your
life as you allow them to be. Once the toxicity has lasted long, you have to look inward as secretly you like the chaos. That’s the only
explanation for all the drama to fester for so long. Once the spectacle
consumes you for an extended period, you become the very thing you dislike.
When this occurs, you now become a toxic friend who
then causes people to run away from you. It is so important to protect your
peace from outsiders. Once that is disturbed no matter how much you want that
person around you must remove them out your life. Your mental state isn’t worth
the headache. Before concluding I need to
get rid of toxic friends determine if you have become toxic. If so, work on that so you can be a better person for yourself and others. The energy you
are getting from other people could be what you are giving out inadvertently.
What is your experience with toxic friends? And how did you conclude to remove them from your life? Did you
realize that you were becoming toxic? Is so, how did you fix it?
Are you the type of person who can pick up the emotions and energy of other people? For example, if someone cries you immediately feel that pain and cry as well. If you see something disturbing on television, does it tend to stay with you for the rest of the day? If you answered yes to these questions, then you are very in tune with your emotions. Some may even argue that you are too emotionally ingrained in your feelings. Having these feelings can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. The blessing is that you are very empathetic to others which can be very helpful in romantic relationships. The downside is this makes you very susceptible to energy vampires. They tend to prey upon your empathetic nature and guilt you into things you may not necessarily be comfortable doing. You become so engulfed with that person that you forget who you are and lose yourself in the process. Here is when you have to be careful with your emotions and who you let in your life. It’s effortless to get caught up with other people as you feel you are helping them. The issue becomes when they are taking, but won’t be there for you when you need it. When this happens, it leaves you high and dry with nothing to show for it. You felt empty and drained of all your resources.
I have this issue myself, so
I have a tough time not offering to help.
I guess I feel like I have to or I should since the person is confiding in me.
However, just because someone is venting to you doesn’t mean you have to take
that on. Especially if that person is never pouring back into you, you must protect your mental peace and learn
to say no to people. You can have empathy, but
that doesn’t mean owning what that person is dealing with currently. There’s nothing wrong with saying this is too much for
me to handle, so I need to back away. I am giving that other person time and space to
work through their issues. I know people say that if you back away you are
selfish and never cared about that person. I disagree with that statement. If
your problems are escalating to a point
where it is impossible to have a healthy
happy relationship, it’s time to leave. Relationships
involve two people growing together and moving towards becoming one with each
other. If one person isn’t in a position to do this then how is the relationship supposed to last? You
can only take so much and if that person
isn’t trying to fix it then what other
choice do you have? The same can be said for friendships and family members as
You can love people from afar,
but that doesn’t mean let that drama
enter your life and impact your wellbeing. For those of you who don’t have this
issue, I am jealous of you. You can separate
yourself from people and the problems
that are surrounding them. However, to those who tend to take on the emotions
and difficulties of others, we must be careful. We must be very
picky about who we let into our personal
and mental space. People can pick up on how we are and then it can be used to
their advantage. Look out for the signs that this person isn’t as generous and
using you to feel better about themselves. Listen to your gut and remove
yourself from any situation that is detrimental
to your health. We aren’t going any more
days, months, nor years with toxic behavior. We will no longer allow this to dampen our spirits.
We are moving forward in life with our peace and anything that disturbs that is
way too expensive.
Do you feel that you are too empathetic? If so, what have you done to correct this? If not, what do you think makes people more empathetic than others?
I write poetry as well, and I wanted to share with you a poem that I composed. Periodically I will share my poems on this blog while staying true to the relationship-centric view of my page. The poem that I am going to share today is entitled, “Paralyzed.” This poem is about domestic violence occurring within a relationship. I hope that this poem will resonate with someone and give them the courage to walk away from the situation before it’s too late. Also, please share this poem with anyone who may need to read its contents.
I always felt as if I put my career before my love life. Not on purpose but this took up space in my life when other things were missing. Then at one point, I was pursuing my Master’s degree while working full time. I tried my best to date, but I didn’t have much time to dedicate to developing a relationship. Instead, I turned to dating emotionally unavailable men as a short time solution to having companionship. Of course, this is not to say this was the best option but this is all I could commit to at the time. Now I’m starting to notice that despite the change in job title my dating life stayed the same. I am currently in a better position to date. However, I am still running into emotionally unavailable men. I am upset that this keeps occurring as I’m ready for a more meaningful relationship. For the first time, I am looking at myself to examine this issue. The only thing that these men have in common is me, and I have to look at myself to figure out what I’m exuding to the world. I don’t like the current picture, so I have to change the channel so to speak.
I have to change my current behavior if I want to experience better results. For example, due to my work schedule from a few years ago to just a month ago, I was only able to dedicate about two days a week to a relationship. To develop the type of relationship I want more time is needed to care and nurture it. In the past, due to work obligations, I wasn’t able to accomplish more than this. However, this is no longer the case and my attitude towards being present needs to be updated. I’m currently struggling to be more available and open to letting someone in my life. All this time I thought I was open when it was a façade that was coming across. You can’t just say the words, “I’m available” but you have to be open and willing to let love into your space. Nobody wants to feel as if they are wasting time while dating you. If you are unable to make the time, then you can’t expect someone to stick around waiting for you.
My ultimate goal is to not only have a lasting relationship but a deep one as well. I’m looking forward to the day of sharing my life with my husband and children. Before I get to that aspiration of mine, I must realize I am my own biggest obstacle. I have to be more open and ready for love to come my way. Due to past hurt, this has been challenging, but since real love is what I’m looking for, I have to put those fears to the side. I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me from love. If you are the opposite of the type of mate you are seeking, then you will stay in a constant cycle of confusion. Be ready, open, and willing to let that special someone in your life. You never know what may happen and the person of your dreams will be prepared to love when you are. Hurry up you don’t want to keep them waiting any longer.