Tag: family

The Price of Motherhood

During this past week, Cardi B announced her pregnancy with her first child. Congratulations to her as babies are an incredible blessing. The comments that I kept seeing online were appalling to me. Many people were saying that it’s too early in her career to have a child and others were saying that her career will fail once she gives birth. These comments sadden me as comments such as these are never told to men when they become fathers. A man’s career, as well as his life, isn’t impacted at all when becoming a father. In fact, children are not only seen as a blessing but as a way for a man to mature as well. I believe the way that society views men are the reason why their lives don’t change when they become fathers. A man is supposed to be a provider, and if that role is lacking, then he is seen as a deadbeat. Whereas if women have a career and aren’t home, she is looked down upon as an awful mother. Therefore, this way of thinking reinforces the view that women should be in the house with the children. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. However, women shouldn’t be made to feel that still pursuing a career after a baby is wrong to continue.

Due to societal woes and what family may say many women will put their family plans on hold for their careers. I am one of those women as I keep waiting for a perfect time to start a family. I want to make sure that I won’t be an absentee parent. Another major factor is the financial aspect as it is very costly to raise a family. Then you want to be in a two-parent household as it’s essential to raise a child with both parents. The list goes on with how many reasons I could come up with for the waiting game to continue. Of course, waiting too long comes with its own set of challenges, but that’s another post for another day. My main point here is that women feel the need to compartmentalize their entire lives before starting the family. There are no issues with that, but one must recognize that life doesn’t fit neatly in a little box. One must be flexible as life takes on many shapes and sizes. You have to be able to roll with the punches and have faith that everything will work out. If things don’t work out as planned, you will figure out what needs to occur to get you back on track.

What I learned from this Cardi B situation is that there is no right time to do anything. Honestly, if you are waiting for a proper time, you will be waiting forever. Yes, there may be an ideal time to do something, but the way life goes who knows when that will happen. If you are ready to start having your family, then go for it. Others may feel that you are making the wrong decision, but it’s yours to make. Also, don’t believe that you have to give up your hopes and dreams just because you are a mother. Children are a blessing and not a burden. Children can be a great motivator and will energize a woman to work even harder to support her family. Salute to all the women out there who are working hard to take care of their children while still pursuing their dreams. I am proud of you and continue to shine on all these haters out there. Your motherhood is a strength and not a weakness. View motherhood as another form of representation of you but not all that you can do.

Until next time,

Thkeya Life (1)

Paralyzed

I write poetry as well, and I wanted to share with you a poem that I composed. Periodically I will share my poems on this blog while staying true to the relationship-centric view of my page. The poem that I am going to share today is entitled, “Paralyzed.” This poem is about domestic violence occurring within a relationship. I hope that this poem will resonate with someone and give them the courage to walk away from the situation before it’s too late. Also, please share this poem with anyone who may need to read its contents.

 

Paralyzed

 

Haters Disguise as Friends

People who claim to be your friend but who are really jealous of you behind the screen.

It is true that as you age your friendships will begin to evolve. Some people that you were once close to may not even be your friends in a few years. Then other people who were mere acquittances may become close like family. I remember hearing this would occur when I was younger by many relatives, and it wasn’t until recently that I realized how true this statement is. An old friend of mine recently accused me of changing into a new person. The thought of her accusation is baffling to me as I believe that becoming a better person is a beautiful thing.  Anyway, she reminded me of how in the past I was ill-tempered and easily angered. I acted this way because people viewed me as a bit of a push-over. You shouldn’t allow yourself to be a push-over, but there are better ways to handle yourself in stressful situations. I haven’t always dealt with issues in the most favorable light. I knew I needed to change this about myself and I worked on it. I thought my old friend would be happy to see my growth and be proud of the woman I became. Instead, the reaction that I received was that I became a counterfeit of my former self. At that moment I knew that my friendship with her had run its course. There is no way I could continue on my current journey with her still in my life. We have become two different people, and our current paths no longer intersect.

Every day you should be growing and learning continuously. The people in your life should hopefully, be doing the same thing. Don’t tolerate your friends’ judgments if they feel as if you are growing and leaving them behind. At that moment realize that these people are only in your life for a season. Once their season is up, please let them go! You will hurt yourself trying to keep people in your life who no longer should be there. Being the same person you were years ago sounds like a miserable existence. I understand being comfortable, but at some point, you need to elevate yourself. Of course, growing should be done gradually to ensure that not only can you keep your momentum going, but your development will continue. Telling someone that they changed and it was for the better is such an asinine statement, and people like that don’t deserve to be apart of your “Glow-Up.”

Another issue I experienced with this same “friend” is passive aggressiveness. I don’t have any problems with speaking my mind. I would dare to say that my openness has gotten me into trouble in the past. That was something that I knew I had to work on and I made a conscious effort to think before I speak. It hasn’t always worked out flawlessly. However, I am a work in progress. Please excuse the sidebar and let me get back to the point I was making. If you have a dispute with what a friend did or said then, please speak up about it. Don’t pretend to have moved on from the situation if all you will do is turn petty later on. Here are some examples of being petty, backhanded comments, doing a favor but complaining the whole time and my all time favorite getting upset when someone can’t drop their whole life for you.

The last example of pettiness I just experienced recently by this same “friend.” I was planning on a special Valentine’s Day with that special guy in my life. I wasn’t sure at the time which weekend he wanted to celebrate since the holiday falls on a weekday this year. I stated to her let me get back to you, and once I find out, I’ll let you know if I could attend your event. She was very dismissive of me and stated nevermind forget I even asked. This type of behavior is entirely unacceptable for an adult to act and the passive aggressiveness is beyond ridiculous. If you ever find yourself behaving like this just speak to the person that is causing you heartache. If that person genuinely cares about you, then both of you should be able to work through the situation like adults.

If you have friends in your life that get upset every time you try to express yourself, then you need to get new friends. Real friends will not dismiss your feelings, and they will make an effort in correcting the behavior. When people care about you, the last thing they want is for you to feel any hurt or pain. Please let me reiterate if you are currently dealing with people like this in your life let these people go. These type of people will do nothing but bring you down and then accuse you of being the negative person. Get rid of these toxic people in your life, and you’ll thank me later.

Until next time,

keya's life-001

Living to the Beat of Your own Drum

I was sick this past week, so I had a lot of time to think while I was recovering. I wonder why people are very concerned with other people’s lives. I mean in the sense that a person isn’t living their life according to society’s standards. For example, once a woman enters her thirties if she isn’t married with children she is shunned by other people. It doesn’t matter where the displeasure comes from. It could be either from romantic prospects, family, friends, or even complete strangers. It’s like you are constantly being judged based off how your life is going at the moment. Maybe you planned on being married with children at some point, and it hasn’t occurred yet. Nobody knows what specifically is going on in your life, and it is best not to speculate. Please allow people to live their lives on their own terms.

I have been told that my downfall in my romantic life has been due to my career. That I chose my career over focusing on romance in my life; which is not the case at all. I had relationships throughout my career, which didn’t work out as I hoped. This gave the impression that marriage was something that I didn’t want. Being that my career is in the IT field; it has made it difficult to date. Most romantic prospects have an issue with my work schedule. The men I came in contact with in the past complained that they couldn’t be spontaneous with me nor plan dates. I tried the best that I could to make my schedule be as flexible as possible; however, those efforts didn’t seem to be acknowledged. I lucked out now, and I found someone who completely understands my crazy schedule. He has the same issue, so this is something that we are both working through. With patience, we can really see where things will grow and lead to.

Another question I get asked a lot is when I will purchase a home. For the life of me, I don’t understand why people think I don’t want to purchase a home. Seriously, I would’ve purchased a home already if I could. Not only is a down payment needed for a home, but there is a massive amount of upkeep that is required. I don’t have the necessary funds that I’m comfortable with to become a homeowner. Also, I would really like to purchase a home with my husband as we prepare to start a family. This is a dream of mine, and I hope it turns out that way. If not, at the very least I need to be in a better financial standing to support a home. Being a homeowner on one income is extremely difficult to maintain. I would like to have multiple strings of income coming in to support all of my future endeavors before purchasing a home.

There is the timetable that society has and then there is the one that life has. The old adage goes, “Man plans and God laughs.” You may plan for things to go one way and life takes you down a rabbit hole. After you go through the twist and turns of life; you just have to deal with the cards you are dealt. However, this doesn’t mean that you stop living your life when things occur out of the order you anticipated. Don’t allow what other people feel you should do dictate what occurs in your life. You can still get married, have children, get a stable career, have financial security, and purchase a home well into your thirties. You are not a failure if you achieve these things later in your life. Also, don’t feel pressure to hurry up and start knocking these items off your list. That could, unfortunately, have dire consequences. It is best to allow things to happen when they are supposed to. Until the time comes, enjoy your life and live it to the fullest. You want to be ready for marriage, and a family instead of wishing to relive your previous life.