Paralyzed

I write poetry as well, and I wanted to share with you a poem that I composed. Periodically I will share my poems on this blog while staying true to the relationship-centric view of my page. The poem that I am going to share today is entitled, “Paralyzed.” This poem is about domestic violence occurring within a relationship. I hope that this poem will resonate with someone and give them the courage to walk away from the situation before it’s too late. Also, please share this poem with anyone who may need to read its contents.

 

Paralyzed

 

New Adventures with Friends

The weekend of March 9th was such a fantastic experience for me. Anyone who knows me will tell you that Halloween is my 2nd favorite holiday with my birthday being the 1st. I attended my first Monster Mania Convention that weekend! This event exceeded my wildest dreams and expectations. For starters, I got to meet the Mistress of the Dark herself, Elvira. Cassandra Peterson was out of her Elvira character. However, it was still nice to meet her. I was even having a conversation with one of the actors who played Jason, and I had no idea who he was. I’m sure he got a big kick out of that, and I was upset later as I was close enough to get a photo with him. The fact that I got to enjoy Halloween in March is the best feeling. I felt that I was entirely in my element as my affinity for the macabre was on full display. The stranger the better and being around folks who felt the same way I did made the experience even better. I also want to thank my best friend for tagging along with me. I was glad to share this experience with her even though horror isn’t her thing. She still was able to enjoy herself, and I was happy to show her another side of my wacky crazy personality.

I was delighted I was able to share this experience with my best friend, but honestly, this almost didn’t happen. I was content with going to the Monster Mania Convention on my own and experiencing this event with me, myself and I. After further deliberation I thought what would be the fun in that. The whole point of going to this type of activity is to experience it with someone. I was surprised that my best friend went as I stated before this wasn’t her thing. However, this reminded me that real friends would go to events with you just to spend time with you. Even if the outing isn’t to their liking, they will still attend. Just spending time with your friend no matter what you are doing will bring the friendship closer. Doing new activities together will ultimately help strengthen your bond as you start to learn more things about each other. I encourage all friendships to plan different events and step outside of your comfort zone. Not only will this help to improve your bond but you will learn something new about yourselves in the process.

The moral of my story is not to automatically assume that someone won’t attend a social gathering with you before you even ask. You may be presently surprised at the outcome that you receive. Of course, you should still participate in the activity even if others can’t attend but it will be more fun to experience it with friends. It may appear that your friends may not enjoy it, but it could turn out to be the most fun ever had. Never assume the answer will be no and just ask that person and people anyway. I almost missed out on this opportunity with my best friend, and we both had a fantastic time. Life has a funny way of proving to you that looks aren’t always what they seem. Stop assuming, grow a little and ask your friends to attend that place you wanted to visit.

 

Here’s a picture of me with my best friend and Elvira

Keya Jess & Elvira

Too Close to Home

I was on a high from attending my first Monster Mania Con that I just knew this past week would go well. As I got further into the week, things became more and more hectic. Unfortunately, for me, I can’t seem to have good things happen without something terrible happening right after. It seems to be the Universe way of saying since you are happy at the moment I will ruin it. I told myself this year I would remove drama from all aspects of my life. I will not allow myself to be involved in anything that doesn’t bring pure joy to me. Life is too short and being around negativity is not worth the wasted effort. Who wants to be around drama and misery all the time?  I know for sure I don’t want that to be apart of my life. I’m going off on a tangent so let me get back to the point of this post. I thought I got rid of this particular ex in my life, but every time I turn around he keeps reaching out. If it’s not one thing, it’s other. It’s starting to come across as if he is obsessed with the thought of us getting back together. I seriously just want to be left alone and move on with my life. Drama just follows and consumes him, so I need to remove myself from the situation to have inner peace.

The best advice that I can give anyone in my situation is never to eat where you lay. Which means don’t date someone that is too close to your current residence. Trust me you are asking for trouble if the relationship doesn’t work out. You are in a constant state of should I move or should I not move. Of course, this will only be an issue if the person you are dealing with doesn’t know how to keep their distance. Honestly, don’t even take the chance as the flip side could have dire consequences. It’s challenging to try to move on when you have the constant reminder of your last relationship nearby. Plus once you begin a new relationship, your ex will be there to witness your budding romance. Who wants to deal with that once you are trying to start something new? Sometimes the best course of action is to move away and start a new life elsewhere. This way you can avoid all of the potential drama and be able to move on stress-free. I wish I would’ve done this earlier as it would have helped me to avoid the issues that occurred this past week.

My advice is to avoid a situation like this at all cost. It may sound like a great idea at first because you can see that person more and plan outings more often. However, the cons outweigh the pros in this type of situation.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, you may start to wonder about your safety. You will begin to wonder if this person is mentally unstable and will they turn out to be a stalker. It’s a lot easier to avoid someone when they don’t live nearby. You may feel the constant fear of being watched or followed by your ex. You will try your best to watch out for yourself and to make sure you aren’t in harm’s way. Unfortunately, your ex- boyfriend/girlfriend lives in the same area so that person has a right to be there as well. The only way to make yourself feel comfortable is to move to another location. That may sound drastic but if that is what the situation calls for then so be it. I hope the examples I gave drives home the point of avoiding this situation altogether. Trust me you will thank me later if you do. Have you been in this situation before? How did it work out for you? Drop some comments below and let me know your thoughts.

Until next time,

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Being Present in Dating

I always felt as if I put my career before my love life. Not on purpose but this took up space in my life when other things were missing. Then at one point, I was pursuing my Master’s degree while working full time. I tried my best to date, but I didn’t have much time to dedicate to developing a relationship. Instead, I turned to dating emotionally unavailable men as a short time solution to having companionship. Of course, this is not to say this was the best option but this is all I could commit to at the time. Now I’m starting to notice that despite the change in job title my dating life stayed the same. I am currently in a better position to date. However, I am still running into emotionally unavailable men. I am upset that this keeps occurring as I’m ready for a more meaningful relationship. For the first time, I am looking at myself to examine this issue. The only thing that these men have in common is me, and I have to look at myself to figure out what I’m exuding to the world. I don’t like the current picture, so I have to change the channel so to speak.

I have to change my current behavior if I want to experience better results. For example, due to my work schedule from a few years ago to just a month ago, I was only able to dedicate about two days a week to a relationship. To develop the type of relationship I want more time is needed to care and nurture it. In the past, due to work obligations, I wasn’t able to accomplish more than this. However, this is no longer the case and my attitude towards being present needs to be updated. I’m currently struggling to be more available and open to letting someone in my life. All this time I thought I was open when it was a façade that was coming across. You can’t just say the words, “I’m available” but you have to be open and willing to let love into your space. Nobody wants to feel as if they are wasting time while dating you. If you are unable to make the time, then you can’t expect someone to stick around waiting for you.

My ultimate goal is to not only have a lasting relationship but a deep one as well. I’m looking forward to the day of sharing my life with my husband and children. Before I get to that aspiration of mine, I must realize I am my own biggest obstacle. I have to be more open and ready for love to come my way. Due to past hurt, this has been challenging, but since real love is what I’m looking for, I have to put those fears to the side. I can’t let my fear of the unknown keep me from love. If you are the opposite of the type of mate you are seeking, then you will stay in a constant cycle of confusion. Be ready, open, and willing to let that special someone in your life. You never know what may happen and the person of your dreams will be prepared to love when you are. Hurry up you don’t want to keep them waiting any longer.

Until next time,

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