Dating Red Flags

Dating red flags to avoid in order to meet your King or Queen

Stating that dating is challenging is an understatement. I’m trying to stay positive in a world that seems bleak takes an intense amount of courage. One of the most significant issues I have with dating is the amount of lying that occurs. It’s incredibly sad how much people have to pretend or put up a facade in the dating world. It comes across very selfish and manipulative as this person is only interested in getting their needs met. Some people lie because if the truth came out, it wouldn’t produce the desired outcome. Honestly, find people who aren’t looking for anything serious if that’s your wish. Don’t make decisions for others. I swear that is my biggest pet peeve. Let me decide what I want for myself. I decided to compile a list of red flags that you may encounter while dating. Of course, this doesn’t include all of them, however, if you come across these run quickly in the other direction. The person you are dealing with is trouble with a capital T.

You call the person, but they respond back to you with a text

When this occurs, you are either dealing with a person who is married or has a live-in boyfriend/girlfriend. This behavior is very shady as you can’t reach the person on the phone, but they will text you to death. I know texting is how people communicate nowadays, but you should be able to engage in phone conversations. If you are unable to have a phone conversation, then you need to inquire why that is the case. If the situation doesn’t improve after multiple discussions, then it’s time to move on.

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It’s challenging to plan meetups

Once you are interested in someone, the natural thing is to schedule an outing. That is a telling sign if it’s becoming a chore to meet up with your potential mate.  There may be work or other family obligations that are possibly happening. However, be wary of how long it takes to meet up finally. You need to find someone who has time to devote to a relationship and not someone who treats it like an afterthought.

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Contacting you last minute for a date

I understand that everyone is busy but please have respect for people’s time. Don’t think it’s okay to ask for a date on the very same day. The other person may or may not be available. If you are taking the other person seriously, you will make yourself available to them. However, when on a constant basis you are being asked on a date last minute it’s time to move on. Most likely this person is seeing someone, and when things aren’t going well, they will turn to you for comfort. Be with someone who makes you a priority instead of an option.

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Afraid to discuss the future

When you are dating someone, and things are going well at some point, the conversation about becoming long term should come up. When you are hearing, let’s see how things go, and I’m not looking for anything serious please move on. A person who is serious about a relationship doesn’t have an issue with discussing the future. In fact, that person may bring it up before you do. If a relationship is your goal don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t feel the same.

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Ghosting You

During the dating phase, you start to spend a lot of time together as the connection for each other starts to grow. Then all of a sudden the unthinkable happens, and you stop hearing from the other person. Things in life come up so, in the beginning, you brush it off as no big deal. After a few days and then weeks it becomes clear that the other person has disappeared on you. The behavior is known as ghosting, and it happens more often than you realize. I believe this is the coward’s way out when the other person’s feelings change, and they would rather not discuss it. There is a possibility that the other person could’ve experienced a family emergency. However, this is the reason to send out a text to alert someone of what’s happening. The best way to get over this is to continue to live your life. If that person does hit you up without an explanation, please ignore them as they don’t deserve your presence.

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Moving too fast to become physical

Of course, you want to date someone that you find attractive. That is not only common sense, but that determines compatibility as well. Why would you want to spend forever with someone if a connection is lacking? With keeping that in mind there is a time and place for everything. When you are sincerely trying to date the last thing on your agenda is jumping into the bed with someone. If this is what you want, please make that known. Things shouldn’t be moving in the physical department while you are still getting to know each other.  Sometimes people get excited and move in that direction. If once you explain this and nothing changes, then you have your answer. Anyone who is rushing this has something to give, and it’s something you don’t want. A person of high quality will not force this as they understand that once they develop a deep connection, then the physical aspect will occur. There’s no need to move fast as it tends to cloud your judgment. Wait to see what type of person you’re dealing with as time reveals all things.

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After reading these red flags keep them in your mind as you date. I had my share of these signs, and it helped to get me away from some dangerous situations. Of course, these don’t all occur at the same time, so it’s important to keep these handy as a reference. I’m sure there are a lot more signs, but these are the ones that I experienced the most. What are some red flags that you encountered? How did you avoid dating red flags in the past? Please share your comments and your experiences below.

Until next time,

Thkeya Life (1)

Removing Baggage

Once you reach your thirties, it’s difficult to experience life at this point without baggage. You can’t escape it, but you should be open about it. Being honest is even more critical when it impacts your dating life. You should be as truthful as possible as the choice to be with you should be a mutual decision. Don’t ever take the option out of the hands of your potential mate. Eventually, that person will develop resentment and mistrust if you do. I understand being skeptical about revealing too much as it can work against you. However, if that person is ready to leave, then they aren’t meant for you. Do you want someone who will give up easily and not stick it out? I didn’t think so. It is better, to tell the truth as a way to weed out the wrong individuals. Be sure to prepare for a relationship before getting involved in one. Please review the items below before jumping into a relationship. I understand the need for companionship/love, but if you genuinely aren’t open (i.e., emotionally unavailable, rebound, baby mama/daddy drama and lack of time) it’s not fair to invite someone into that drama.

Emotionally Unavailable

If you are dealing with past pain, mistrust, or stuck on an ex, then you aren’t ready to date. Please don’t use someone for companionship or be prepared to have the windows busted out your car. That other person has emotions, and it’s unfair to allow someone to fall for you when emotionally you can’t commit to a relationship. Be open and honest about where you are and let that other person decide to continue to deal with you.

Rebound

I know the old saying is the best way to get over someone is under someone new. I completely disagree with this statement. That new person again has feelings, and all you will be doing is toying with them. Your new romantic partner will be under the impression that you are ready for a relationship just like they are. They will feel that way because you lead them to believe that. Getting over an ex is not the new person’s responsible it’s yours. Take the time to be single and work through your issues before a new relationship. Of course, you should continue to improve yourself while in a relationship. However, it’s vital that significant problems like your previous relationship ending should be worked out before starting a new one. A long-term relationship ending doesn’t mean jumping into another relationship a few months later. You aren’t ready nor have you healed. Don’t use someone else to mask that pain. You will end up on an episode of “Snapped” if you aren’t careful.

Baby Mama/Daddy Drama

If you are dealing with a crazy ex who happens to be the mother or father of your children, please work through that before starting a relationship. Everyone needs love which I understand entirely, but that’s a lot of drama to ask someone to take on. If there are child support and custody issues, get that together beforehand. Your new relationship shouldn’t now be the time to want to work on those issues. The ex will feel that your new relationship is causing problems and they will start to become angry. The ex may, unfortunately, begin to take out their anger on the children. The way this can occur is by seeing the children less and in some cases stop paying child support. Also, if your new significant other doesn’t have children the expectation of time will be required. If you don’t have a visitation schedule in place how can you properly develop a relationship? Save everyone the heartache and figure out any loose ends before starting a new relationship.

Lack of Time

If you are too busy due to work, business travel or whatever your reasons are be upfront about it. Don’t start a new relationship if you will not have the time necessary to dedicate to it. Things become even more complicated if the other person is fully present and ready for a relationship. If you don’t have the time to commit to a relationship, then you have to let the other person know that. Allow the other person to decide if this relationship is right for them. You may not want to hear if the answer is no, but you don’t have the right to make decisions for others. It’s not fair for a person to get involved with you under the assumption you can commit to a relationship. Due to your lack of time, you most likely want something more casual. There is nothing wrong with this, but you have to be forthcoming about it.

I know this sounds like you can’t be in a relationship ever and I hope that’s not the message you’re getting. The purpose of this is to remind you of the importance of being a healthy and happy person before a new relationship. You want to come into a new relationship ready to start fresh and be open to new experiences. You can’t do that with the baggage I just described. The types of baggage discussed in this post doesn’t allow for a sustainable and prosperous relationship. It is imperative that these types of baggage be nonexistent before starting a new relationship. Otherwise, you will be in a never-ending string of bad relationships.  All because your past issues are still present.

Until next time,

Thkeya Life (1)