The Fear of Starting Over

Falling deeply, madly in love with someone is a petrifying experience. The vulnerability that you feel is most terrifying. However, the love that you have for that person is worth all of the anxiety you feel. You want to spend the rest of your life with this person and the thought of living without them causing you unmeasurable pain. To hear those four words, “Will you marry me?” is something most women will long to hear. Unfortunately, for me, I didn’t get my happily ever after.

After a completely romantic proposal that was everything from my wildest dreams quickly came crashing down on me. I found out not even a month later that the love of my life wasn’t ready to get married. To say I was devastated would’ve been an understatement.  He felt pressure from his family to propose and he claimed he didn’t want to keep me waiting for a proposal. To be honest, I never pressured him and at that time I was so in love I would’ve waited forever for him. However, what he failed to realize was his deception would cause residual effects that I’m still experiencing today.

I was so hurt, confused, mislead, and most importantly I felt unworthy of love. How could someone who claimed to love me hurt me this way? I lost all faith in people especially when it came to men. Every person whom I came in contact with was scrutinized with a fine tooth comb. I got involved in situations that I had no business being in. Remember what I said last week, “Hurt people will always hurt others around them.” I was involved with men who were horrible for me, but I let my fear of desperation get the best of me.

Everyone kept telling me that I needed to start dating again. People don’t understand how it feels to go from being engaged to newly single. You often wonder if you will ever find love again or if marriage will ever be a possibility. Also, it doesn’t help that I had a few bad relationships since my engagement ended. I started to experience a serious bout of depression. I didn’t want to interact nor did I want to be around family and friends. I started to distance myself from the people who know me best because I was ashamed to admit what was taking place in my life. My depression had spiraled out of control that I even attempted suicide. At this point, I knew I needed help and I wasn’t going to be able to deal with all these emotions on my own.

The next step for me was attending therapy. This was a scary thing for me to do, but overall I made the best decision possible. I honestly don’t know where I would be right now if it wasn’t for therapy. I had to learn how to love me again and not to look to someone else for my happiness. This is something that I am responsible for and I am the person that can change the course of my life. Therapy helped me to realize that each experience in life is a lesson learned. Things will be okay if they don’t work out as life goes on. It will be devastating of course, but not life-threatening.

The biggest lesson of all that I learned is that forgiveness is most important. Forgiveness is more for you than the other person. As cliché as it sounds, it is so true. It means letting go of past hurt in order to move forward in your life. From my therapy sessions, I became a stronger and wiser woman. I’m so proud of the person I am today. If you need therapy for any reason, don’t be afraid to seek treatment. You never know how it could change your life.

I don’t know what the future will hold, but I do know that I’m finally ready for it. It took a long time, but I can’t wait to see the outcome. Starting over is an overwhelming task, but it can be the most rewarding experience. Give yourself a chance to see how it goes. You never know what may be waiting for you around the corner.

 

 

Second Chances?

I recently found myself at a crossroads this week when it comes to second chances. What does it mean and how do you decide when it should be given? There are people who hurt you in the past and may believe that they have changed. However, in order for you to truly give a second chance then changes must be made. That other person has a responsibility to show you that they have truly seen the error of their ways and that improvements have occurred. Only then can a true second chance be given to that person.

You’re most likely saying to yourself all of that is great, but how do you know if a true change has really occurred? My answer to you would be that I can’t answer that question for you. This will be something that you will receive a gut instinct about. Trust your intuition and if you get a feeling that something is not right please listen to that. Only you will know ultimately what is best for you and that includes who you allow in your life. If the vibe is off that is your intuition telling you that this person is not genuine and to remove them completely out of your life.

I understand that this is a difficult thing to do as we have been programmed to be nice to everyone we come in contact with. I’m not trying to tell you to change that however, we all need to become more cautious of the people we have around us. Not everyone who comes into your life means you well. That person could have plans for you and not of the variety that you may prefer. Also, just because someone is a nice person doesn’t mean that person can’t hurt you. A hurt person will always hurt people around them. That saying is so true and it doesn’t matter if you are nice or not. Keep the people who are meant to be in your life and get rid of the ones who shouldn’t be there.

Be wary of giving out second chances to people. There are some people who deserve it and there are others who don’t. Be protective of your heart and don’t allow a pretty face/smile to make you forget all the hurt and pain that was caused. A person should discuss what they corrected/accomplished and not just what needs to change. That person is only telling you what he/she wants you to hear and will continue to pull at your heartstrings if you let them. Your heart, soul, and energy deserve the very best. Therefore, please don’t be as generous with your time as some people just want to deplete you of all your energy. Remeber just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they are meant to be in your life.

 

First blog post

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

Welcome to my very first blog post! My intention with creating this blog is to be able to write out my thoughts and share them with others. There maybe something that I write that may have a profound impact (I hope) or just help you with your day somehow. I would like to learn from you as well. Please don’t be afraid to leave comments on each post or send me a private message. I would very much like to hear from you.

Fortunately, life doesn’t come with a set of rules that one must follow in order to live it the best way. The thing is that is all relative to the individual as each person will view things in their own way. What about the people who are afraid to go after their dreams and continuously live their lives for other people? For those people you are the reason why I started this blog. I started this blog for you, because I’m just like you. As a matter of fact I am YOU.

Instead of living for others, let’s do what we want and stop being so apologetic about it. Life is very short and we don’t have a lot of time on this Earth. With that being said let’s live life the way we want and on our terms. Don’t worry if others don’t agree with what you want to do, because they are jealous that you have the guts to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. Having the courage to speak up for yourself can be scary, but the alternative let’s face it is a very miserable existence.

The picture for this post speaks specifically to what I hope that everyone whom visits this page leaves with. It’s okay to tear down something and start over. Life is not about how many times you fall down, but how many times do you get back up. You are the artist of you life and you have the power to change the picture at anytime. Don’t allow others to dictate to you what the canvas of your life should look like. You are constantly creating your vision and only you can say how/when it is completed.